Toddler tantrums? Troubled teens? Listen to parenting advice on everything from infancy through adolescence, aired on talk radio shows and leading podcasts.
Conquering the Survival Mode of Motherhood with Jennifer Blossom
"I. Do I mean even now? I. Mean I've only. been a mom for a very short period of time but I'm already feeling that message of I have to do it all and and I know that that's You know there's I think some sort of like it's supposed to be this empowering thing of like Oh we're women we can do it all but it's like, what are we supposed to because when you're trying to wear every single hat which has mons, you do have to juggle a lot but that's What creates? The problems like you were having an extreme life imbalance that was causing this anxiety of trying to do it all. So it's like, how do you navigate that? Exactly. Exactly. Well, my very first message for MOMS that we have to first identify it like we cannot change anything until we I recognize what that problem is and so that's conversations are so important because society and culture in the message of Modern Day Motherhood. Is telling us like we were saying to do other things balancing the things and and banks to social media like it's rain does however like we are always inundated with what? Seems like everybody's highlight reel, right like all the moms doing all the things perfectly, and we can't measure up and so it's really having those blinders on and knowing that what's most important to you and to your family and really starting starting in your mind and then filtering down to creating those healthy habits that are going to support you in your Motherhood Journey of what's most important for you and for your family in this currencies. So do you recommend a gas creating? So I. Guess we'll just take me for example, because I'm new at those like. Creating these habits. So it's like I'm starting from nothing and I'm all of a sudden handed this child that they're like, Hey, take this kid home and keep it alive and. You know your mom now what it's still just like crazy how they don't make you take a course before. Brian for before bringing on kid home and You know. So there is this initial. I'm just trying to survive right now mode. So. How do I start to create? I guess good habits or not. Let myself be completely depleted when I'm only a couple of weeks in to this. Right, we'll go I got a credit youtube you're doing so amazing and I feel like as MOMS whether we are brand new moms are we just added a new child or like for all of us right in the middle of Kobe? Always knew balls throwing our weight and I do like throughout our motherhood. We are always in in like redefining different seasons and so for you Elizabeth and for all of our listeners tweet today I, we have to address the mindset and so this really is about number one casting the vision for your life casting the vision for your Hud, and that sounds like super. We rahm like it's so so important because when we have that vision for your life and even for this current season of your motherhood that's going to help determine like what? Steps to take for because if you don't have that final or end destination in mind like how do you know what you're walking and working towards and so for you and this currencies and it's not about getting there as fast as you can to the end, it's about learning where you're aiming towards and then just showing up every day taking one step forward and so for you looking at okay. What kind of mom do I WANNA BE? What kind of mom I wanNA show up as what's important to me? What's meaningful for my family? How? Are these values that I want to bring to the table and when you can sit down and really stink about that and think about how you WANNA show up for yourself and how you WANNA show up for your child and not looking at you know other people on what they're doing but really going inwards instead of looking outwards determining knows values for you and for your life. That's our very first step in getting out of this survival mode Doing, everything at once it's just getting quiet and still going inwards and learning. Okay. What's what's valuable for me what? What what what, and how do I WANNA show up as and then once we determine that then we start to build out those habits and strategies. That are going to help support you and support your mission which begin totally get into as well. Yeah. For sure. Well, I guess like so right now the thing. I'm probably most struggling with is. This beautiful little girl is completely reliant on me and I was we were in bed last night and my husband and I were just holding hands and I was like mayhem like I love our daughters so so much but I already miss a part of us. Like it's only been a couple of weeks and it's like man I. Miss like. Just. Being able to connect with my husband because he works long hours and he comes home and he's tired and I'm tired and you know you can't really be intimate right after having a baby and there's Like trying to find even that balance of how do I even be a wife right now because I'm figuring out how to be a mom and I'm already feeling guilty. Right right. Well, what's so important in this this is going to shift like throughout every season motherhood is like determining those priorities in your life right so you have that vision now it's all about, okay. What are those priorities? What are those essential? So obviously like our marriage because of we make if we make everything in our life and everything and Your Motherhood, right now a priority nothing really is a priority. So so things that. Maybe, we're a party like pre kid don't have a room at your party table right now. So it's really about looking at. Okay. What's important? What's meaningful for us right now our family boom our marriage. Okay. So what are some healthy boundaries that we can put into place? So we know that we are being intentional with our marriage because marriage is one of those things I feel like once you have kids, you have two choices like. Pre kids are like, no kids at all like with your marriage like you can either grow together or you can grow apart in. So Elizabeth like you feeling that with your Hubby in. Embedded it's like, okay like what a we need to do to protect this marriage because I feel like that's one of the biggest struggles for so many moms is that we get so busy doing motherhood and so busy between mom life that are marriage gets pushed to the back burner, and then we look up in eighteen years now and it's like we don't even know who are husband is anymore, and so it's really about taking those unintentional moments in our day and in our in our lives to. figure out how can we carve out that time to connect together
When Kids Say Shocking or Rude Things Whats a Parent To Do?
"The innate drive children have to explore and learn and go deeper and deeper into understanding their world and especially these powerful figures us. And I hear from parents about issues similar to this, not in regard to race but I've heard it in regard to I. Don't like Gramma or go away to people on the street or go away two neighbors that are being kind and I've heard it happened with other things that parents care about. For example, if it's important for a parent to raise children who are gender neutral and they have, let's say a daughter who only wants to wear pink frilly Princess's dresses. That can become a thing that starts as an in the moment behavior or exploration. And then because it hits a Chord with the parent, it takes hold and becomes a thing. In this case, I don't think the child believes in their heart. The black people are scary. I don't think this child actually believes that and yet is continuing. Because the child wants to learn about their power with this parent. The another thing about young children is they're not expressing these philosophical viewpoints about things. They're expressing something very in the moment. So my guess is what happened here is that in that moment for whatever reason, I don't like this person that looks different than us that we don't socialize with and I don't like. A little afraid like even afraid to me sounds like something that this child caught wind of that maybe a parent responded. Are you afraid it doesn't sound like something that a child would naturally feel. Unless. They were scolded by a black person or they heard people arguing or there was something disturbing that actually happened that scared them but I think it's probably with this child to this dad says, is inconveniently insightful about how to find exactly the right framing to turn a situation in his favor i. mean this guy reads these parents like a book and it's a gift most children young children are just naturally so aware and. Perceptive about their parents. That's why we have to be on our game as much as we can, and we're not going to be perfect, and in this case, I can empathize with this parent. This sounds like a very disturbing horrifying situation. The last thing is as parents as you know if it was anything else I feel I could handle this but this is so deeply important to me, and that's exactly why this is happening. So. Again, backing up something happened that this child had that momentary feeling that I don't like that I don't like this person I don't like these people. Then they felt instantly that they'd hit on a big nerve and now it's become a place they have to continue exploring. So. What do we do as a parent what we do especially in this case when the ship has sailed? For some to talk about how we can handle it the first time, and then I'll talk about how to write this ship, which is very, very possible. It's really gonNA. Come from understanding a child's process. The way children view the world, which is just much more innocently and usually specific to one situation at one moment. So even when they say something like I don't like what does that mean to them, it doesn't mean what it might mean to us where we're just painting all this like I don't like any of these people. It could mean that not used to these people it could be a lot of things so. The first thing a apparent I would want to try to do if I could call myself enough is be curious and I would want to understand. Why what? What happened? What what don't you like? And again, we know that children are born with a tendency to be biased that even babies prefer people that are familiar and look like their parents. So it's a natural thing to have that bias. But if we can use this magic word for ourselves as parents curiosity, we will be in the mode that we wanna be in openness curiosity trusting our child trusting that our child is a good person and that we are good parents and that whatever they're saying there's a reason that moment that they're feeling that way. We want them to be able to explore with us. We want those feelings or those thoughts to be able to land with US safely not push back on with fear if possible as soon as we're judging as soon as were pushing back, don't say those things about people you can't feel that way. We're closing the door to understanding and connecting with our child and to being that person that we all want to be for our children somebody, they can confide in somebody that there are no taboo topics with. That you can say anything to me I mean, this is goal does our children are getting older that they feel safe saying anything to us they don't have to hide and feel wrong for what they're doing or saying. So I, I would be curious and I would want to understand We're not going to be perfect and I totally understand where this parent is coming from the trauma. This period is going through around this, but that's what we want to aim for as much as possible and I think this parent knows this because the parents says, if it was anything else I would just minimize my response to it, but we don't even have to think about minimizing our response because they're trying to control something. What I would do is embrace a clearer understanding of the way children think an explorer and driven. They are learn especially about us. So you know maybe we're caught for a second like. and. Then we settle into want to know more about this and most of us do WanNa know more but our judgments and our fears will get in the way. So trust in your child trust in their process be open. In that case, I would say, what don't you like something happen or where did you get that feeling? What makes you feel that way? And then I'm going to breathe and just remain this open place. And that can be easier because we don't have to come up with a response sometimes parents put pressure on themselves that. Oh my gosh I gotta steered this child immediately got fixed this right away and that can get in our way because then we're coming back with no, you don't feel like that. That's not okay. What's going on in your heart? That's what children need, and that's the parent that I think we all want to be with the realization that it is a
The Future Of IVF with Dr. Zaher Merhi
"So My name is Dr Marie? Reproductive endocrinology further specialist. My is in Manhattan on Columbus Circle. The practice is called new hope for not center I. Am a father of two boys. Ryan is fifteen years old going through puberty and Adam is eleven years old and I love my boys and my dot com will be he's my favorite history years old any sleeps with me every night I literally feel like we're just gonNA continue a sentence from from before. So we were talking about all your. Treatments in all the different things that you can experience while you're having your IV thing that sounds like somewhat not want to call it a SPA treatment but there it just sounds. Nice. Amazing this it is treated. You know it's funny to warding job honestly, and I really love my job and a lot of time I get attached to my patients because you're helping them have a baby and you know I get Christmas cards every year and saying, Oh thank you give me a baby. What kind of you know it's it's really happiness I cannot explain and actually they send pictures of the kids and the children and I put them on the wall and my house. So I have a wall full of pictures of the baby, the baby's. Saying So let's go back because I. think part of this conversation was really like I the F. One. Oh one if you've ever been curious if you've ever thought about it if you've ever been, you know sort of confused about what it entailed. We really covered all the details. So those of you listening who are still curious about that providence to go listen to part one of this conversation part two is going to be more of like you. I mean, you're just so knowledge what everything. More of the cutting edge stuff because I think that that's really what your outfit specializes in and is so prized for is that you really are on this cutting edge of what does it mean to be able to bring Tila to a challenging situations and to do it in a really as noninvasive way as possible, which is actually fascinating Lee sometimes with better results. So I guess we got cut off at noninvasive chromosomal screening is that right? Am I like looking at this? Okay. Then noninvasive chromosomes screening our next is the following. Let's say Daphne has three boys and now she wants to have a car. And now she comes to my office and tell me Dr Marie I WanNa have a boy now are we gonNa do is we're going to do something called IVF. We suck the ads at your husband's sperm, and then we make embryos right sperm and egg may can embryo it takes down a week to make an embryo Now, a days in the last few years more and more centers are testing the embryos not just for the gender also chromosomal screening. You don't want to worry about having a down syndrome baby and then I'm Houston later on or have a miscarriage and then was centers. Do they take a piece of your embryo and then freeze the embryo and test this piece for the chromosome because it's coming from the embryo? We don't do that with the Knicks are noninvasive chromosome screening. We take the fluid at your embryo where it's growing. Just. A fluid water and with that fluid for the end without taking off your angrier. We're only has this technology and I can tell you a lot of people come to us because they were like you know I don't know if the biopsy off Ambrose rain debut and I don't want south sticking out of my my future baby you know they can out to be tested. So that's that's the knicks or none of his of chromosomes I can tell you I love it because it doesn't put on your embryo if you see how an embassy biopsies down the stretch like this and the Pum, a piece of snaps out. It's a little bit aggressive. So the next I think presents a lot of things and then you can also for tomorrow and you can have your boy if you want just journalists election. Yeah. Fascinating because the the a when it's growing remember we put it in a culture dish and over the week after we had the sperm and egg over the growth of. The DNA is thrown in that fluid. So that's how we do it. So that's I think is cutting edge technology reverted proud to have it at new hope fertility center. Why is it only you guys that have this technology you know other centers have done it for research and stuff, but I did not get a good result when we started this technology. I can tell you my secret sauce by the way to have fun. Waiting. But before we offered the to patients, you have to test it. Right. You have to do on the same embryo both technologies the old one and the fluid L. We got ninety nine point nine percent correlation other places they got sixty, eighty percent Max, and so it's the the lab hasn't really got the as good results if I wanNA, say that's Why it's not. So we have great technology. We have great lab, and that's why we have a thousand nine point nine percent correlation between both understood and has a nice. So we talked before about the Needle Free Ivf, we're you take pills instead of injections, correct pills and patches and everything. Correct. There's no patches. This fills by mouth by GINA NASAL spray. Spray interesting correct. Is it just as effective show? We have to be very careful because if someone is young and they have a lot of eggs, it's not it's less effective. Why because? The shots are more aggressive food for the eggs and younger patients have lot of eggs to feed. So they need more food. So the pills is not enough they need addition to shots but women thirty five years, and above it's as effective as the old conventional where patients plenty of shots That's so interesting and I told you I have a patient and Amazon me she wants to talk about experience about the. Home Ivf because she get, we sent to the house no shots just spilt and nasal spray and that we got a lot of eggs as she made four embryos and that's that's a lot I mean it's this is favor good. So yeah it's effective and then how long can you freeze embryos for twenty five years? So it's good and bad guy, and this is great question. Let me tell you why it's good and. It's bad. It's good because nowadays, some countries by some doctors are struggling with Beijing let's say you come to me ten years ago you've eggs and you at forty now you come to me after ten years. Now you're fifty years old and you. WanNa get pregnant with my own exodus froze ten years ago. Some doctors have issues with that because now they think well, what if something happens to you now you have diabetes and you know so we're GonNa be stuck in situations where actually have a patient I was doing a patient from Norway she froze her ex in Copenhagen ten fifteen years ago. Now she's fifty one and they said we cannot use your eggs because getting you're pregnant at this age is dangerous. But, that exactly so I mean I love the fact that twenty five years but also. Having Siblings Twenty five years apart. This we it. Let's say you do IV after they get pregnant and twenty five years. Oh, my my my brother is. So. There's a lot of things but last last part which is. The great thing about freezing for twenty five years is that there is a lot of abandoned embryos what am I gonNa do with them right. I mean some clinics in this country has adult fourteen percent of the embryos abandoned coupled who left Leftover Embryos And are gone and they're not being the freezing fees because they finish this they finished family. So that's why when you go back to the conventional idea when you tell me, I get tons of eggs but guess what kinds of embryos to that you're GonNa be stuck with for live. So I won't vicious the thing that, yes home ivf or gentle IVF or neither free IVF. It's good effective at your to be stuck situation where you're going to be freezing fees for twenty five years for embryos that you might not need. Right. A lot of my consultations are bishops will finish their family and they just WanNa talk to me about what to do that embryo and I don't know what to say, what are the different options, throw it out, give it to another couple or give it twenty such but
Sibling Strife - When Your Child Keeps Hating On Her Little Brother
"Daughter is a bright strong willed child who would not let anyone near her but me until she was eighteen months old, she had severe separation anxiety and was often disarray regulated on a hair trigger her tantrums several times a day with lasts from forty five minutes up to two hours and sometimes left her. So exhausted she would fall asleep on the floor where she had pounded her fists only a moment before. She has never recovered from the arrival of her brother now three and a half when she was twenty two months old. Since he was born, she has subjected him to physical violence and verbal taunting. Continues to this day. She often says she hates him we've tried all your techniques and I've poured through all your articles and podcasts for help with this issue she has been to to child psychologists consecutively who have tried to assist her with managing her emotions. Appropriately, my blocking interventions are sometimes not quick enough to stop her hands connecting with her brother's little face or body I try extremely hard to remain calm and not fueled the behavior saying I won't let you hit that hurts but the bullying behavior persist and persist no matter what I do or say My partner and I have both worked from home since the kids were born. So they see us all the time and both get a lot of one on one attention even more. So now that we are home-schooling due to covid nineteen, her brother is a gentle loving and forgiving little boy who sometimes cries to me that K. hurts me it breaks my heart. I am at a loss as this has been going on for years now, and I'm concerned is doing damage to my son when an incident happens I, of course, go to my son I to comfort him. But I, also look at my miserable older child who is clearly distressed and does not want the mystifying negative feelings she experiences as a result of hurting her brother and upsetting her parents. I do not believe in inauthentic forced apologies. So I. Wait for her to calm down and then we have a cuddle while I try to reflect back her frustrations with being a big sister and explained that I understand she must feel sad and angry sometimes we then discuss other ways she could express her anger rather than hitting an unkind words, but she often blocks her ears or runs away at suggestions. Both my children are in pain and I need some new strategies waiting for emotional maturity and impulse control to develop does a disservice to both siblings who are looking to me to provide a compass through the storms. Any additional advice you could provide would be so gratefully received. Thanks. Okay. So I hear how hard this parent is trying to help her children get beyond this heavier. This is obviously a very committed parent and it also brings up for me the realization that even with all these details that she's provided, it is very challenging for me to really visualize how this parent looks in action interacting with her children, and that is a struggle that I have with written notes even with phone consultations I'm still trying to picture what the dynamic between the parent and child actually looks and feels like, and that's my favorite way of all to help parents is to do in person consultations, which, of course, bodice convenient and partner to arrange. But then I can actually see almost immediately what's going on and I'm able to help parents make a shift. Sometimes even video of parents interacting with children as helpful and even when I'm talking to parents on the phone, sometimes their child will come and interrupt and all the able to get a glimpse right there of how this parent says Boundaries and Response when their child is wanting them and the parents can't be there for them. It can be so illuminating. So having said, bat there are a lot of details here and I'm going to do my best to intuit what's going on but as always does a lot of guesswork and I may not be completely accurate. What I'm hearing is that her daughter is to start out with quite sensitive. Strong willed insensitive together, and the parents says from the beginning her child would not let anyone near her but this parent until she was eighteen months old, she had severe separation anxiety. So what that tells me is it sounds like this family may be accommodated these feelings, which is, of course, a normal thing to do when you have a child that little on they're saying, no no, I'm going to cry unless this person's there. It's understandable to want to make that happen for them. But what that actually does is prevent the child from processing those feelings. It also communicates to the child that we agree with them in a sense that they can't be okay with anyone else but us. That may not be what we intend at all, but that's what children take from it. So it those feelings even stronger. Maybe, there's some fear that gets attached to them. If I don't get what I want. Not. Going to be okay. And so it makes our child even more in this case dependent on and needy for her parent. What I would recommend if possible, but this or any kind of fear or feelings that a child has is to not try to accommodate a to continue normally sometimes your other parent is going to be the one to do this with you. Maybe even this other caregiver or your grandparents is going to do it and you can have strong feelings about that. We want to hear those were okay with you expressing that in fact, we want you to express it. We're not going to change things or try to avoid this in any way. I'll often hear from parents who say things like my child won't let me not play with them or my child won't let me ever leave their side or go to the bathroom on my own or stop nursing, and what that tells me is that the parent is not comfortable with the child having the feelings they need to have around those experiences. The feelings are the healing. and. Then severe separation anxiety. So children do go through sometimes a period of separation anxiety or stranger anxiety, but this isn't to be taken as it's going to traumatize our child. If we leave, it's a sensitivity that they have usually during this period between around eight months to fifteen months. It's the sensitivity as they are making steps forward and development and maybe walking and they sense more separation between us this either part of them wants to hold on to not let us go. So it's kind of a push pull. We want to be sensitive to, but we don't want to accommodate it. So we're not gonNA take extra long away from our child or do it more often than we need to or want to but we still have to do it. We still have to separate and let those other people care for our child or whatever it is or even allow them to be alone for a couple of minutes while we're doing something.
A Simple Equation to Help Kids Love Math
"We're going to the equivalent of flipping to the back of the book to look right at the answers because we know back by listening to this math, you had to overcome some anxieties I bet of your. Yes. So let's get right to our takeaways and number one. Don't let your math anxiety hold your kids back. Nothing's -iety. As you mentioned is a real phenomenon all over the world and it's pretty clearly related to how we teach math in school things like timed practice and memorization and high stakes testing and oh my gosh, I'm getting. Hot Flashes and sweaty palms, just thinking about tests. Can here's the really upsetting thing that math anxiety it's not equal opportunity. That's right. It's tied to stereotypes race, and especially gender research shows that mothers and Preschool teachers who are overwhelmingly women they can pass that feeling onto their kids especially to their girls but there is some good news children are not born with math anxiety. All right. It's passed onto them. So I think that's why we have to check out selves in when we're talking about math this. was kind of a surprise for me because I thought that you know if my kid had a problem with math I could bond with him by saying, Hey, you know it was tough for me too but actually rose Marie says saying, I. Don't like Math I can't do math that will get conveyed to your children and the solution. Instead we need to reframe math yet rosemary says think about the fun activities that can back up and reinforce what they're learning. In school math is very much an integral part of your life do you love music i? Do I love to sing. All right. If you love music, then you love math do like to cook and Bake I love to cook and be okay. Then you love math because she can't do music and you can't cook and bake without math so I can't cook or bake really and I definitely cannot sing but I love baseball for example, and my boys. And I we talk about baseball statistics all the time. So what's important Rosemary says is recognizing math as part of many things that we like doing together exactly and so to see more about how adults can we've math into our everyday moments of life even with really little kids you and I and our producer Laurent Mickey visited Really Special Preschool new first reported this episode. This is back in two thousand and nineteen when we could freely move throughout the world. Watch US light today. This is the center for Early Childhood Education. It's our research preschool at Eastern Connecticut State University. The lobby has this giant, super, realistic oaktree yet which I climbed inside. Very cool. We should also say about a third of the kids at this school speak Spanish at home. That's right and at the preschool, we sat down with one of the lead researchers. Suda. Swami not done and she helped us understand a lot more about how to grow children who love math the minute we say math with think of the big picture you know Bagel theorems beore geometry concepts instead swimming not says thinks small she's a professor in Early Childhood Education at Eastern Connecticut State and her special focus is on early math learning and Sudha And her colleagues have done lots of research to see what kinds of childhood experiences lead to better performance in math later on and one of their answers makes up our second takeaway take number to talk about math take this really ordinary moment you asked them to put their books away and and say, doesn't fit the shelf. So why disadvantage fit? Maybe it's the book is too tall too big Suda says you're actually talking about math process it's problem solving. Yeah, and we heard lots of this by the way math talk at the preschool. As the duck fit in there too. He did fit when he was standing up. So you decided to lay down does he fit now? That's Amy Lopez the lead teacher for the toddler. It's a sunny room with a cozy reading corner. There's a play kitchen and blocks, and you're the center of the room. There's this table and amy sitting with the children they're building together with magnetized calls, which are these colorful plastic blocks with different shapes that stick together and the little plastic farm animals, and one of the kids is kind of putting together a house. You're using triangles and squares unique. Naming the shapes in both English and in Spanish. When we played this tape for Rosemary she said what I heard. There is the teacher using descriptive math language and that is so key for children to understand math concepts. You can't understand the concepts without the language. Yeah, and aim is not building the box for the kids cheese actually making observations kind of narrating their thoughts in real time the more blocks you on the longer dad's Cohen I notice that when you added more your line got longer and longer when she said Moore blocks to make it longer. Longer is a complex word for children and they need to hear that language and they need to hear that language in a very concrete way. She wasn't even afraid to use really technical words like when this little boy was trying to make a little corral standup. Now you can put them all around the perimeter all around the edge Caribbean or.
The Working Mom Advice I Wish Someone Had Given Me
"MOMS, who are trying to build a business and I want to share some of the advice that I wish someone had given me when I was building our businesses. I, hope the orange and that's just my opinion is just my advice in its advice I wish someone had given to me and I think that you are entitled to raise your children the way that you want to. But I want to give you some sound advice that will help you realize that you're the person who's in charge of doing that. So my I tip for you is to know that lots of women have kids, lots of mentors, Bill businesses, but it is a very difficult thing. To do both and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying or one area is not going so well. My suggestion is to be as selective as possible about the person who you decide to follow their mentor ship because you'RE GONNA end up following their tips and advice, and if their children are as much of a priority or if they're not raising their children, the same way that you prioritize yours, you may end up getting business advice that is detrimental to the priorities that you have for your own children just keep that in mind. Next. You should spend as much time and money. Developing, your skills as a parent. As you do your professional development. It's crazy. We will not bat an eyelash spending two, thousand dollars five, thousand dollars one, hundred, dollars, two hundred we'll take the courses we will take the workshops and the trainings we will go to the seminars. To be a better business person but it's like when was the last time someone bought a parenting book like you should be reading parenting books I'm still reading parenting books you should be listening to parenting podcasts. You should be willing to develop that skill just as much as you are willing to develop the skill that you have for your business. Next, do not use the excuse to quit your business because you've got kids. Like I just WanNa make my kids a priority. Now you can make your kids party I'm just saying don't use them as an excuse because you absolutely can kill it. In. Business be apparent. You can be an incredible mobbing incredible father, but you're gonNA be crazy asked disciplined like discipline like no other. So just say I wasn't disciplined enough to do both that's fine but don't blame it on your kids that you're quitting your business. All right. Next put your commitment to your kids and your partner put it in writing because what will happen if you don't. Trust me. Trust me. I can tell you this going to happen. An incredible opportunity is gonNA come your way and you're GonNa think yourself oh my gosh. Justice one time. I'm going to do this or you know what? This opportunity will never happen again, which is scarcity mindset and you're gonNA end up saying yes to something because of the money or your ego. Or your lack believing that a better opportunity isn't gonNA come your way cousins it is it is GonNa come your way and God is going to reward you for holding out and staying true and honoring your priorities don't say yes because you ego. But I am telling you from personal experience. It's really really hard to do unless you have this in writing because it's real easy to say justice once or this is never going to happen again. So put it in writing whether it's family kids doesn't matter. Next, a child should never be made to feel like they're an inconvenience or second-place priority to. Your Business. Now listen I'm not gonNA play until you like. That Mahmoud definitely would be like we can't do that today I've got this presentation I've gotta do or. Make statements like that. I did not things the advice that I'm giving you are things I'm telling you I didn't do I've made some of these mistakes plan telling you a child does not feeling that way. See you gotta catch yourself and you have to find other ways of getting things done prioritizing and explain to your children because the last thing you want them to do is to resent the fact. That you're building a business you want to live your life is a Shiro. Be An example for them. Do not use the excuse of I. WanNa Give My kids everything that I never had as a justification. For Your, Work Addiction. Or making your children's spoiled brats like giving your child everything giving your child everything only gives your child the experience that they can provide for themselves. If you're buying your kid a car if you're buying your kid all these things, how are they ever? GonNa Learn that they can do that for themselves. All you're doing is teaching them that they can't provide for themselves and to be gone every weekend to never be with your child and to say that you're doing you want to provide for your family i. personally think you just need to examine the truth in that statement ask yourself it's really in their best interest. Also you've got gotta be patient crazy persistent ungrateful because no matter how much structure you create expect about two percent of the time for things to go as you planned. So. If you've got kids, you cannot wing it. You cannot win it in terms of your parenting. You cannot win it in terms of Your Business I'm sorry you chose Children Andy chose to have a business. So God gave you the gift of both and it's going to be harder for you. Too. Much is given much is expected. It's going to be harder for you. You'RE GONNA, have to plan like crazy and things are going to be flipped upside down in life is fair. That's how it goes. Also encourage you say, no to opportunities at compromise your child secure attachment to you. This again is my opinion, and that's just if your parenting
Pelvic Floor Therapy with Melissa Dessaulles
"Would love for you to tell us to start just a little bit about yourself and how you got into all of this. Absolutely. So I live in on the west coast basically of Canada. So in British Columbia I've been I might sometimes they physio because in Canada we refer to ourselves as physios but I'll try to physical therapists came. I've been physical therapist for fourteen years never thought by calling would be talking to people about their vaginas. Or like peeing and pooping, and then I had a baby out of China and That was seven years ago I had my first and I would say that as kind of snow, I was like smacked in the head with all these things that time seven years ago. No one even talked about this. So even as a physical therapist, it was not on my radar very active I was very fit I thought I'd Kinda just strong power through this and I was totally raw onion. So it was when I started getting help that I thought this is really important and ever since then that's that's all I've done that's what I do now. In my clinical practices, see lots of. You know. OC. Men some women and you're right mostly pregnancy and postpartum related issues but lots of people that have never had babies to. Have Two kids. Now I have a seven year old daughter and a four year old son. So you're probably a lot more prepared with the four year old then pelvic floor. I would say that it was less like I wouldn't say the birth that. And I would say my mindset about it was different I in. In. At least this time feeling prepared and I wasn't so overwhelmed by what is this GonNa look like and I knew what to do after I. Felt a little bit more confident and afterwards when I was having weird symptoms like peeing or pressuring my Vagina Felt. Weird. It wasn't so scary as a golf course I'm having this based on what happened and here are some things that I can do. So, I would love to kind of dive into a lot of the misconceptions because when people think public four health, the one word comes their mind key goals or K. goals. How do you say it? I say. So. In I think that there's tons of misconceptions about that as well because there's a right way to do it but there really a wrong way. Well. You're right. It gets a lot of it gets a lot of talk but I think a lot of people don't understand what it truly is. I always explain the public floors very similar to other muscles in our body, and we know, for example, are biceps because we can see it all the time but every muscle in our body, let's use the by for example, needs to be able to go from like a relaxed position to a tight position. Okay and it spends its day doing all all movements in between there some when we when we do things like lift something heavy to set past the titan when we go to bed at night relaxes and the pelvic poor, very similar when we do things like the cause pressure cough or sneeze or lift something heavy or jump, the pelvic floor needs to respond with tension, but it needs to tighten like and stop us from the beginning p. But when the pressure is gonNA. Stop coughing redone are jumper what we put down the heavy object pellet worshiped relax so it's very similar in that way that it has to tighten and relax it does this behind the scenes it's very automatic. That's why people don't know much about their pelvic for. US doing a Keitel is our way of controlling those muscles and tightening them a win. The pelvic floor heightens the holes close. So kind of the P. Tube and the and the NS clothes and everything s bottom up. There's no name for relaxing the pelvic floor though so Heels tightening. There's no name for relaxation. But as you know from every other muscle in the body, both are important. No muscle in the body wants to be high all the time or it doesn't. Work very well if you came into the clinic Mosa. My neck is so tight like is would that be you wouldn't be coming in writing about that it would be giving you problems and I think that that's one of the biggest misconceptions is that. All symptoms are result of weakness, and so therefore, we think we should just be tightening tightening tightening. But sometimes again, if you came in with pain in your neck, you'd probably have tension in your. If I told you to keep tightening, you'd think I was crazy. and. So when we keep tightening and tightening autour perpetuating the problem
Beware of Sex Trafficking Rings - They Are Everywhere
"I want to say something about you talking about things going on the world just how crazy this is. For those who don't know, Roelant is like a child she's like one of our other kids and. Roelant posted on her social media story today. And I just after read it because it to me is like holy cow. This was what she said. And, this was sent from a friend of hers. My sorority sister a GAL named courtney who lives in Nashville has a friend who took a mint from her uber driver the other night it was wrapped up just like a white lifesaver. She started to feel weird. So she text her mom she woke up in a warehouse close to the Nashville. Airport in a sex trafficking ring. Her iphone location was shared with her mother. So the police were able to track her. The Girls Okay and And she's the one who told Courtney what happened so this isn't some friend of a friend of a friend bs this horrific and scary stuff happen. Don't take minutes even if they're wrapped in cellophane as they had as if they hadn't been touched and just don't take anything and. Don't be in an uber by yourself. You know. Thank God this girl is okay physically I'm sure emotionally. Amin. Going, to take a long time for her to heal from this, but how scary is that? It's crazy. It's crazy. I mean in Nashville because people think Oh, you're in Nashville you know it's very say fits. Your small town still. That to me. Is So. Scary. But the good thing was was that the police rebelled attract her because she shared locations with her mother, which is something that our kids have fought back on nosy. You just want to know where I M, etc.. I hope for you parents that are listening that you share this story with with your kids. To know that it's not about being nosy it's about keeping them safe and if your kid out here, if you're a teenager if you're a young adult share your location with someone. So that somebody knows where you are and can get to because folks. Delicious. Be honest this probably saved this girl's life. Because her mother was able to get the police the information to track her phone. It's it's just crazy and and you know I do have you know the locations of our children? And of you and you know my mother and we do all know where each other we're. We're all located. So you know I mean it helps me to sleep at night knowing that I can track and you know if Savannah is out traveling if she even though even those are stuff is booked privately and you know with a car service literally when she they pull up, she takes a picture of the tag on the car. and. She sends me the picture of that and then she puts her location to where I can track it as she's literally going down the highway. So we do stay on top of it as much as we can. But for those of you who are not who don't maybe have a parent or someone that you're sharing your location with take your own safety into your hands. Do not be foolish. Do not be stupid. It's just right. You got one life. Yeah, and it's you know I think we get. We get very comfortable. You know because we're like our we're not in Atlanta or Miami or la where you know these things happen in other places this is right here. I mean you're talking about twenty minutes from where I lay ahead at. A sex trafficking ring twenty minutes from where match children live that to me is scary and the only way that we're going to stop this is we have to continue talking about it. We have to be vigilant and take care of. Each other
A Work Schedule without Childcare
"Had a very interesting blog post. Recently, I thought that detailed away that A. Two Person. Could Alternate things like in a very structured way you want to go into that. So I got an interesting amount of feedback from this not so much in comments on the blog but I heard from people who wanted to share it with other audiences because it just hasn't been spelled out exactly how a split schedule with two working parents. Splitting fifty-fifty could, in fact, work in could give both parties approximately thirty hours a week of focused work time. Mostly during the workday. So none of these like get up at four. I, am and work till I am things which if you have today you have to do but you also wouldn't have to in this sap. So the idea is. that. You have two different shifts on during the workday one is eight to three. And one is one to six, and that is predicated on the idea that it young children who are home are napping from one to three those a rough nap window. We are recording this at two-thirty right genevieve napping and Sarah does not have childcare today. And you know older children could use that time for independent work or for screen time or whatever you wanted to do. The idea is that that is that could be double in terms of the parents. One Parent is on during distraction. So some of their hours are not pure hours but. Mostly, two of them will be able to work anyway. So one party takes eight to three Monday, Wednesday and one to six on Tuesday and Thursday the other party takes one to six on Monday Wednesday and eight to three on Tuesday and Thursday, and then they alternate on Friday who gets eight to three and who gets one to six. So each week it's butts off there and what works out to is then twenty nine hours during the weeks when you have the three one secs shifts and It works out to thirty one hours on the weeks where you have the three, eight, two, three shifts, and the key thing for this to work is that when you are on your job is not just to keep the children safe like being adults present in the house, you are also committing to keeping the children out of your partners office, right so that they can be guaranteed those hours being at eight to one one, the sex or whatever. are focused right like absolutely focused they are not on your they're not dealing with anything, and if you do this that each of you can, in fact, get the twenty five cure focused hours and then between four to six hours each week of. Most likely but could be interrupted because of naptime was or whatever. And both of you would have both some afternoon in some morning hours and so I know that that's an issue that some people be like well, we just split it that she takes the mornings when I take the afternoons. But then what you know, there are some teams that always WanNa meet in the morning because some other person has a different shift of their schedule and so this allows you to occasionally have morning meetings or occasionally have afternoon meetings as the case may be again, this has to be pretty much you are committed to this. You're committing to keeping the kids out of your partners office you can obviously arrange for A. Sub. Credit. On a day, if there was something like you have to pitch a new client, a huge project in the only time they can meet. Tuesday antenna at ten. AM technically Tuesday as the tae that you work on the sex like probably you could arrange with your spouse to get a sub credit that you would make it up for that person at another point but. You WanNa. Have that be relatively infrequently but you know working twenty nine or thirty hours a week with no pay childcare is. Pretty good. If that's a situation that a couple might find themselves in and if they need more hours, you can extend the swap idea to different times I mean. Maybe each of you works from six to ten pm one night a week and that gets you up to thirty four hours a week or you do six to ten am on a weekend or something you each get one weekend morning and you know what it is but. That is basically fulltime ours, and if they are plans, well, you will be okay.
Social Media Risks Parents - Especially Of Girls - Should Know About
"For us for US old fogies it's probably going to provide some context here. So let's go back and some of you remember this back in the early days of social media like around two, thousand, three, two, thousand, four. You've got social media back then like friendster my space. Really. Wow. Did you have a mind? Is Account somewhere out there. Too Much excalibur. And facebook was really so the facebook but it was mainly, you had to be a college student on a college campus, they have access to facebook. and. These were actually it was a nice place. Social Media was very tame back then. It's kind of like, Hey, look at me here's some pictures. Here's the bands that I like what I'm listening to here's the links to smile into my friends. You know everybody remembers here's another meeting right now at this restaurant look at this great meal. and. That was kind of the first few years of what social media was. There was no censorship. There was no you know multimillion dollar corporations coming in and taking over. And there was no political groups spreading outrage or propaganda on social media. It was not really a destructive environment back. Then it wasn't toxic wasn't a toxin environment in any anyway. So then some big changes starting to happen in the kind of the mid to late two thousand. So facebook. started. To allow anyone to join, you didn't have to be a college student. So anybody can create an account and then in two thousand nine. facebook introduced the like button, and now for the first time everything and everyone can be graded and ranked, and now everybody is rewarding or punishing everyone else by simply clicking a button whether they like or dislike you you know Lance I can totally hear some of our listeners right now saying who cares if you get a like or not and I wouldn't be surprised if listeners say facebook, what's that? But because of for mature adults, we are more developed in don't tire identity to social media but in this is critical because for younger adults or children social media has now become a popularity contest. So now, speech isn't just you and me talking openly it becomes how do I get more likes and approval? So other platforms like twitter come out and they introduced the re tweet button yet, and now the things that I'm saying that we're saying right here on this podcast that you're liking tend to be the things that are going to make people emotional or even sharing my frustration or anger, and then you or anyone compress re tweet and spread that. So now my frustration and anger can go to thousands or even millions of people within a day that share or want to have the same expression and like the way that somebody else says it. You're correct in an I think between two, thousand, nine, two, thousand, twelve kind of this is the next step when when the news media mainstream media began to realize, hey, the social media thing is not going away and it may even overcome and overtake us. So the mainstream media begins to adapt to this new world in which people now and they're not going to CNN. They're not going to the New York Times for their information as much. They're getting their news and their opinions from social media and often I can tell you without fact checking anything. It's like well, you know. God bless my mom but I don't know how many times she's like well I saw it on facebook it has to be true. It must be true. If you're rushing spy putting it on. I'm like. So now we can we can go down rabbit hole on how social media and also creates echo chambers and in confirmation bias because one of the things that facebook switched over to it used to be that you would get everybody get all this information. And it was kind of random. Well, facebook started optimizing that to where they're GONNA only gonNA show you social media is only gonNA show you the stuff that they think you want to hear and like. So this changed in became more of an engagement focused thing. So now, you this confirmation bias because now we can only we can choose to just watch and listen to the point of view that we agree with. and. Let's get an. So that that's a whole rabbit hole. We go down I don't WANNA do that. You can go back and listen to somewhere where podcast we talk about that. But let's get to what this means for parents and specifically for parents of daughters so. T this you know this is probably relate to a lot of our guys out there. So in the development process boys. Are. Our maturity are hierarchy or or the the Alpha male is kind of based on. You know things like our athletic ability are toughness. Our ability to dominate or insult can competition teasing. You know drinking soda through your nose with a straw. Those are the things like middle school boys are. That's important to them. Things like that. Now, I'm not. I'm not Dourson this behavior agreeing with this saying that you know what this type of behavior is admit just that's just what it is. It's the scientific fact that this is kind of how middle school and high school boys move through their child development process. We could argue that. I would argue this Dante that some boys never develop out of the state and we have thirty and forty year olds who are still clinging to this. Alpha, Male, I'm the toughest I can dominate an insult you model. By that. Maybe, fifty year old. That's me later there. But but for girls and for daughters, this is specifically different. It's about who's in WHO's out, who is included, who is ex colluded who's friends with who who knows who secrets. And so the Female. Tends to be not physical like boys like they're not going to wrestle and fight it's relational and it's a Lotta drama. girls don't bully each other. You know generally, girls don't bully the each other physically so much. But what girls do is they gossip and they damage each other's relationships and again, we could argue that they're grown women even in our churches that still cling to this model now again. Not. dosing anything. That this is we agree with this behavior and I'm just I'm just regurgitating medical science and facts kind of the development process so. Around two, thousand, eight, two, thousand, nine when we start seeing smartphones coming out, the iphone first comes out and now you have social media is in your hand and in your pocket at all times. Okay. So with girls and daughters, this multi by this multiplies, a girl's ability to be able to damage each other's relationships enormously. So in some homes and in some cases. Children Girls They have access twenty, four seven to this device in which their thoughts emotions and images can be reported can be rewarded or punished by. Clicking a button and so if you had a fight with a girl that day in school, she can get on there and spread nasty things about you and you everybody's not liking you or making fun of you via anonymous social media on a phone and while adults adults, we might shrug things off and say, what's the big deal I mean who cares but you gotta remember girls in this vulnerable stage in development middle school high school they're looking for approval they're looking for inclusion and they're being they're looking to you know being seen. As beautiful as much and they're much more susceptible to anxiety depression, self harm and even suicide this you know approval inclusion in comparison that they're dealing with is that make sense Dante?
Birth Story with Britt Nilsson Byrne
"I would love for you. To share I guess did you have? Like a birth plan going into it or were you just super open? Both. So. Good. That's and yes. So yes and yes and you know what I have so many friends and I'm a little crunchy I'm not the crunchy have lot of friends who are like do a home birth and better? and. I really respect people that do actually get. So cool I've heard like the best stories of people were like I've just had it in my bathtub and like my family's in the kitchen having snacks and cheering my husband was in the bathtub with the and I'm like that is so romance amazing for me every time I prayed about I felt like I was supposed to be in a hospital I just did and like well, that's not as sexy. I was like that's what I feel like I'm supposed to do. So that's what we did and You know I did a little birth plan in my I went to this the health place that I've been going to like my my My bursting crew are amazing. They're so sweet. So they gave me they're like fill your birth plan but just know that it's probably not going to end up like this and so I felt very prepared in that way like don't go in. It's going to be two hours vision into of this and then do the you know. And so for me actually I was I was way overdue like Noah was not coming out I actually had to like I wasn't di- lady all I've gone to my checkups and I'm sure you've heard of a fully bowl. that you put in, I don't know if people listening. It's essentially like a little sailing balloon that they just stick to your cervix to kind of down in begin contractions. If you're not opening up which I wasn't, and so I got that done and how Are, you when you did that like almost two weeks, it was getting to the. Yes exactly. As two weeks pass YEP YEP exactly. So, I. had that in the over that night, I had contractions. Now all this is like what all the other people have been feeling this whole. You know like my body is working. And so I went in, they took it out and they measured me and they're like, Oh, you're at five centimeters now's like okay. Great. So I'll just start having contractions naturally and I felt really peaceful about it, but I never did again. And so they had my inductions date set and I went in and it was actually Two days after forty, two weeks I went in to be induced in the morning. And I haven't had any more contractions and then the nurse measured me I'm on the hospital. And she's like you're actually back down to. God and she and she's like I've never seen that before she's like your cervix is actually going back. You know she's like it's regressing and I was like you know and it's just one of those things where it's totally like a mind battle and you're just like do not go into fear right now gonNA panic don't go you know what I mean just I was like, oh my gosh sounds like interesting news like do I put that I don't know but. So anyway. I I. Don't know why exactly that was accept. It crossed my mind and I'll never know but. I actually got healing because I used to have, I, got HP and I had actually the beginning of cervical cancer, and so I got a biopsy and stuff but they're like you need to keep getting checked and you know all this stuff than I actually was prayed foreign had healing for it and I had someone pray for my cervix and like bringing it back to news I was like maybe I just have a really fresh cervix in. Sided won't go downhill. So I'll never know, but anyways, I have I have an interesting survey that was not dilating. So then they they gave me a Tolson they induced me and I labored naturally for like eight hours. And it was like contracts every two minutes like a minute and some long and I was just doing all the yes. Jesus is good. She's coming down like trying to you know positive positive positive every time. But by about eight hours I was literally my body was shaking and it was just like mentally I keep it up anymore so. I was planning on not having an epidural. That was my whole thing I was like I'm GonNa go natural women have been doing this forever You know my husband's here God's here. I'm have my worship is on it's going to be this like amazing female experience and then like literally my body is shutting down and I'm like dying. So it's like. A general. I like look feel like I'm GonNa movie where you're like, okay I'm good up through. So after eight hours of of those contractions I, just my body was having a really hard time. In my mind. and. So I'll also they had to break my water and. There was there was Makoni in a little baby poop because I was so late she's been pooping in there for like two days. So it was. So they're also telling me if if. She's not out soon, we're going to have to do a C section. So there is so many points where I was like don't give into fear like just you know Jesus this your plan housing even if act against the second, that's okay. You're going to be with me but I'm like afraid of blood and surgery so I was just like no, but okay. But okay. This mental mental that else. So I got an epidural and then it was about twelve more hours and then I, pushed for one hour like of active labour and to be honest it was it was like incredible fifteen minutes after I got the girl I literally I was like shouting. I wanted to use her. Because I was then able to look to rest. Yeah, and actually enjoy and be a part of this thing instead of just like these waves of don't give up here how who don't have been out out out out for eight hours. You know it was just exhausting and I'm actually glad and went through. It sounds like it's a human experience to me always worth having but. Joe was such a relief I was like. Oh. My God you know the nurses aren't allowed to force you to do anything, but I was like you guys should enforce you. Why do you let me sit on the bed and paper radars you crazy but anyway so so that was really a relief for me for me and everybody you know it's so personal for everybody but. I kind of had humble myself and I was like, okay, take it, and then I was so grateful So then even my pushing I'm like I had one nurse named Wanda was holding one foot in Jeremy, my husband's holding by other foot and I'm pushing in. We're like laughing because I'm not feeling any pain able to laugh like her head's coming out nearly giving your Mohawk and making jokes and I'm put. Such, a such a joyful wonderful experience and I didn't feel the ring of fire like I didn't feel you know all of these things that people have scaring newest. and. So for me, it was just it was beautiful. It was a really wonderful experience know when she came out, they had to suck all the amount of her. And they were just amazing. So for me like I had to be in hospital and I also had to have antibiotics getting fever. There's Poop, India so. For me like God's new, that's how mine was going to go down and so a hospital birth was great for me. But I, I heard great things other ways but. For my first house that list as it was meant to be it ended up being great. It was a wonderful experience.
Speed-Round Sunday: The Fidget Spinners of Our Day
"Of course since I have twelve year old I have a fidget spinner in my life right now have. Will more than one because. We found one in the store which immediately had to buy the one that we ordered online has not yet arrived so. If that's GONNA show up. So it got us all thinking though this this crazy about what was the fidget spinner in our day when you were. And you needed to. Entertain Yourself. During School? What did you do Terry? Should, say I'm playing with the pen right now. doodling. Just spinning it around in my hand wondering how far I can push down the top for it makes noise. Yup I always used to I. One of my Go-to fidgets was like you know the old those clear bic pens with a little blue piece in the end. In you would then. Claw the claw the blue peace out the back and put it back in and out, and then you would play with the little blue piece and. It's possible I might have chewed on the little piece and. Put it back in, and then once he pulled it out, then it's it's got that it's kind of up on the edges and play with it and a whole bunch of different ways that was big deal in office also then going ahead and taking the entire big pan apart and you know playing with little to. I. Wonder How many? How many of those pens actually get written with? Just there are they just a little kid to take apart and put back together. PAPERCLIPS are good for that test. I've I fidget with paperclips when I was. In school, you would fidget with the spiral. Out Pushing it back in until it got to the point of no return. You know there was always doodling but also like a race when you get like a colored spiral notebook and then you race designs into the camera. That was a fidget thing young and. You, eat A. we've discussed on this this podcast before that y'all are sadly ignorant of what a peachy folder is but she has offered huge opportunities to color in things. So and to make dialogue picture era pictures and they had young people doing wholesome things and you could make them say things that were not property. Read. The rich tapestry for fidgeting is saying people do Olsen being. Football. Commentary yes. Yes, Lord. Coloring skills this is this is. How Children of my era? Themselves kids back before there were computers and smartphones and fidget spinners. We blew designs on peachy voters. Around the Campfire Kidd? Virgin? Give any other ones Nicole that you remember doing? Yeah. I would pick off the paint yellow paint on. Be a new to pencil. The, first or were you able to just scratch it off with fingernail? I could scratch off my fingernail head start down where the lead one. But the not and get a splinter. Hr Chevrolet take apart the eraser eraser out and push back in no on that but I did take my big pink erased hard i. don't even remember the name of it. Now I remember those per name. The per. And I dig holes yes. With my pen. Oh. Yes. Or Harvard with your scissors indeed. Yes that sounds. So word mentally I think the one of the best was the. Peeling the glue off the. The. Yes Yup. Yes they're. Eyeing it. If we really wanted to be rebellious in like risk big-time. Precautions we would. Car The inside of our. Home. And then once it's carved, then you right in it with Ingram Pencil People can us if you've gotTA listen? Kits they carved actually on top of their kids. Yes. That's why that was brave. And then lots of dry. Did you ever do that one kilroy was Yeah Redo Lots of drawing vast flowers, iced draw flowers. Of various sorts. I think and I liked plumbing writing writing. Oh bubble writing an notes to your classmates to right? Yeah Eight. And doodling instead of together and then hoping nobody ever asks. Throughout the entire.
The stresses of parenting in 2020
"My name is Diana Lamont. Thanks so much for listening today. So I've been a little MIA. Around the podcast I have been around in social media but I thought that I would do at check in. Because I've unveiling things and I'm sure that you're all going through things So I just wanted to share a little bit about what I've been going through about what I've been thinking about as we. Inch closer to the twenty twenty election day because I feel like we've been an election season since November nine, th two, thousand sixteen. So today is August twenty, six, twenty, twenty, sixty, nine days away from the general election of the member third twenty twenty. I haven't been recording a lot as you can imagine. With covert and the children being at home after the initial rush I think of productivity. It was really hard to work fulltime from a husband to work full time and for us to manage. Know three meals, Jay taking care of toddler taking care of nine year olds making sure remote learning was happening. and all those things. So it's been quite challenging time. As I'm sure has been for many of you. So Yes. So here we are So I just wanted to share a little bit about kind of what What I've been going through my household and kind of the things that I've been working on. As some of you may or may not know I am an organizer I work as a freelance contractor for a few organizations and While ago I was working a lot on paid leave and BEF- after leave I decided to work on child care. So I've been focusing a lot on child childcare which has been on the news because of Cova did. A lot of childcare centers have closed in the United States. Mine included a my daughter's is a toddler and her daycare closed. They announced it back in May that they were not reopening again. So that was absolutely heartbreaking. Because we were very attached to our childcare center, you know it was a childcare center that my son had gone to. My son is now nine. So we known them for about seven years. So. Yeah. That was quite a shock and. It's not going to get better. Because a lot more centers mike close because there is no funding in those support for a lot of these centers that are small businesses in our communities so. So that happened. In June, we decided. that. We would come overseas so that our family would help us with our children so that we can continue working. Because working full-time. And taking care of three meals a day and taking care of learning. And keeping the children occupied. So we were doing it but. I think we were getting appoint where our mental health and physical were really. s- you know. being affected. And we were lucky enough that we had family. Who said you know we can help with the kids. So we came. So now I am actually France. Which is where my husband's family's from. And we've been here in July and originally we were supposed to fly back in September, but we actually have extended our trip. Another month. Again just because of childcare issues I mean. We can't work if both the kids are home the way we need to work and. We have were incredibly lucky that we have the support. So we decided to take it and. We've been working I have been working. A lot on child care which is ironic considering. My childcare has closed but actually know the issue very intimately. So It's really heartbreaking to know that there are so many people. That are going to have to close their businesses and so many people that are going to have to. you know find new childcare, which is really hard to do. If you're a parent, you know there's so much that goes into finding a childcare centre. As. A parent there. So many kind of boxes you have to check off right you have to make sure that the prices right. But also you have to make sure that the location is right that the hours you're right that the that you like the teachers that when you go in, you get this by where you feel that you are. Happy to leave your child air that your child is going to be taken care of, and they're happy when you go pick them up like there's just so much. to consider when you're finding a childcare provider. So Yes. So a lot of people are going through what I went through, which is you know their childhood unders closing a lot of people out of parents especially, MOMS, they're also. Deciding or being forced to quit their jobs because they don't have child care because they don't have flexibility. Because the the, there's just no other option, right so what we're seeing is that a lot of people mostly moms are going to end up leaving the workforce in my entourage. I've already seen I think to people that have said that they have resigned because of childcare which is also really heartbreaking. I, feel like this crisis going to set women back in women's rights and equality. Gender. Equity. Back a lot and that is a really scary thing.
Bedroom not Boardroom
"Seems that we have all of our conversations either in our master bathroom when you're in the bathtub I'm in the. Or you're putting your makeup on and I'm shaving when we go to bed at night. Yes. How many people? Couples in this country, find that their bedroom has become the center of their home. You know I think for us. It's just the only tiny little space that we can actually have five minutes a privacy but what I have come to realise here in the last couple of weeks is that our bedrooms should not be our boardroom. Century. Our bedroom should be our sanctuary for personal time which you don't get enough attention tape. And Conversations that you and I want to have that is going to build us up. That's going to make better as a couple. Not. Dealing with issues with housekeepers or house managers are car detail. People are the nanny are the kids needs or whatever. I think our bedroom should be our personal sanctuary that belongs to us. I think you're right. I think you're right and I think because people don't realize how many people we have in our home at all times. Folks we have roughly thirty people in our home every day you know the crew gets to our house, they unload their gear, and then they start whether that's lighting whether that's needed to talk to me or you or the kids, and then you have chasing Savannah coming in, and then you've got Grayson and Chloe, and then you've got your mom and then it's a it's like grand central station Grand Central Station's probably not as busy right now is our house is or our bedroom and bathroom. Yes. When Savannah comes in, she's coming to the master bathroom because she has access to all of your makeup mirror. Whatever. So she can touch herself. And then when chase comes in, he's got to use my hair paste my Cologne. He and then go upstairs to my causing get. Yeah. So roughly get dressed halfway before they get to our exact. So you are I think you're exactly right. I just don't know at this particular stage in our life where else we can go because literally todd todd spins half his time just trying to find a nook or cranny where you can get and have some privacy whether that's a phone call or whatever I mean. It's just not there in this house no and so. I have made the decision that today I am ordering a digital lock to go on our bedroom. That, it will be fingerprint just like what's on my closets and no one will have code except for me Julie. And making a commitment to you going forward that we will not discuss business in our bedroom. We will not discuss anything other than you wanting to touch me improperly and the hush. So folks if your bedroom is turned into your boardroom, change the way you do business. Okay.
Calming Our Reactivity to Children's Irritating, Demanding Behaviors
"Okay. So here's the question received on Facebook, my four and a half and two point nine year old girls constantly call mommy. If I leave the room, they call after me to ask where I am. Even following me if they ask a question, the word mommy could be said three or four times before the question they call me from where they are instead of coming to me. It's constant all day. The only time they won't is if I, give them an ipad to look at something or the TV it's driving me mad, it's like a dripping tap it is getting to the point, right? To scream as overwhelming me and I'm getting angry I don't know what to do. When their dad is home, they still call me even if he is beside them and I'm in another room at the end of the day I'm so drained what am I doing wrong or not doing, right? So, first of all, I want to respond to the very last thing. She says here, what am I doing wrong or not doing right? I would love to encourage this parent Torah any parent that this isn't about wrong or right it's about a pattern that we may be a little stuck in a child stuck in that isn't serving us that's making our lives harder, but it's not the self judgment thing of what am I doing wrong what am I doing right? One. Of the most important qualities we can have as parents is self compassion especially in a time like we're in right now with so many stressful situations going on in our world, and also if we want to make changes in some of the dynamics between us in our children, a lot of times this means changing generational cycles it is huge work and we need to love. Ourselves and have patients with ourselves. There is no such thing as a perfect parent or anything close to a perfect parent. I truly believe that and attachment experts will tell you that even the most attuned parent will miss respond who child something like fifty percent of the time. So let's get realistic here and give ourselves a break because when we are judging ourselves like this parent. Thing it's actually directly involved in the problem she having here. It's part of why she's getting angry and wants to scream and this is driving her that. She's feeling like she's doing something wrong. She's judging herself as not a good parent for the way that she's feeling. Whining is very unpleasant. Sound studies show that children of every nationality in every language wine, it's a global behavior. And it's typical for children, the ages of this parents to get stuck, repeating, and repeating and whining and demanding in that way. So these are unpleasant behaviours that children have a second ago. I talked about tune moment. So what's going on with this parent is she is used to being at a tune parent. She may be a sensitive person and she's kind of over attuned to this behavior that her children started and now has become kind of a thing between them. When we're a little over a tuned, it means that we're taking everything in. We're feeling responsible to respond to it. We're feeling it impacting us like it's cutting into US every time they call mommy I need to react I've got to do something and there's no way that's not going to get exhausted and frustrated. Get US angry. because. What children are doing right there. It's almost like they're moving with us as one being. They're reacting off of US reacting off of them reacting off of us. They're feeling this irritation and it's feeding their irritation so it can become a cycle. One thing that helps us a lot as parents is to learn how to tune in and also how to buffers. And that's not the same as I'm ignoring you and you don't exist for me when you do this and I'm turning away and I'm pretending it's not happening. It's just a softening as if we've got padding around us and when we hear this mommy instead of it penetrating into are being. It gets slowed down in the padding it softly lands there, and so we can hold our own were not feeling battered were not feeling shaken rattled by everything we're hearing it uh-huh. It's going into the padding and we're going to respond while staying centered in ourselves not being prey to whatever our child does that seems needy or wanting us or demanding of us. And the interesting thing too is that children actually are on a slower frequency than us so while it may seem like they're called Mommy needs an immediate response, they're actually not ready to take in. Response. So it's actually more. For us to slow our responses Dan by imagining this padding or this space between
Prenatal Chiropractic Care w/ Dr. Maggie Quigley
"As I started going to chiropractic school I got to see a lot of people in school that were. Having kids falling were in Chiropractic school and I just thought it was amazing. I'm fascinated by all things pregnancy and birth related and I just thought it was amazing what Women can do and how powerful our bodies really are and I. Knew that kind of what I wanted to specialize in. Involved in and be able to help women. Route pregnancy reconstruction pregnancy post Arnon in just what I can help them do in disempower through in Arctic really allows me to do that. So I can't really action decided to certify and the Webster Acne, which is a pregnant extra training and certification that actress can do to best for. Yeah I know that. That's something that I looked for Because so I was going to Chiropractic care before I got pregnant not consistently, but I had just started going back about a year ago because I started training for a half marathon and I was having some issues and so I got adjusted and it did really help and then I didn't go for a couple of months and then I started going back and But one thing that I did look for when I went back was somebody who did the webster training because I knew that that is somebody who studied how to deal with pregnant women and I got a referral from a frontier and. I absolutely loved the Chiropractor I'm going to I'd love for you to talk about how is. Like regular chiropractic care different from treating pregnant person. So the western technique really focuses on analyzing the state ground and then doing extra soft tissue work. So that Seagram is one of the bones that makes up your pelvis switch obviously pelvis pretty important during pregnancy and the birth process and Walter Technique focuses on balancing the state ground pelvis and just the body overall and then helping relieve any extra tension and stress on ligaments and muscles that are mostly affected during pregnancy. So Sarah Amend and the round ligaments are. Ligaments that really are acted and Ken put extra stress hours in the uterus then. Painful only. Uncomfortable you've experienced it. Also attention on the uterus which said in impacts eighty voting to move around and get cracked space and just be comfortable too. So we a little bit of a massage and a release. And those muscles relaxed that everything is working more as a unit as a whole verses. Enter practic care. that. Much. As in depth of an analysis Yeah I've definitely seen a difference in how I was adjusted before pregnancy and the now now, it seems more of like a deep tissue massage. And I like it because I've had I've dealt with some SCIATICA issues the end it's been very, very helpful.
Stress Relief: How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids
"How do you relieve stress these days Well ahead of these answers, but your intro also reminded me that I feel like I should give a shoutout to a book just read how her which was Carla number. How not to lose your we never curse on this podcast so L. it out. Castro. s-h-i-t with your kids. So we'll keep we'll keep this family friendly by the way. Did you all new real-life curse a lot, but we'll never do it on this podcast. Okay. So that surprise people and then anyway I am really digressing it is such a good book and it is actually based on a lot of meditation. Techniques including very powerful technique like noticing while you're doing something kind of noticing your own reaction, noticing your own feelings, noticing what's going on around you and it's fairly simplistic premise but I actually found it incredibly powerful. So I am not saying that I'm someone who loses it with my kids all the time. I. Feel like I'd probably do an average amount but I still feel like her book really helped me to. Calm down in those situations where I might have chosen to yell or give out kind of a harsh ultimatum or something like that. So. Yeah, good recommendation than which probably all check that out. There's a lot of. Whatever the word is with our kids these days. Yeah. You had mentioned though Josh giving you a night right like. That was amazing I had to ask for it. You know my husband is wonderful but we have kids and it's not always the easiest to put all three of them to bed. So neither of US typically wants to volunteer, but one night I just said. I cannot do this I do not want to do. Can you please just do it I want to go in there I want to go in our bedroom like locked the door and finish binge eating big summer, which was great by the way and I did and it was great. I will admit you've cried for me and I had to put her to bed but it was it was actually Up until that point and Exactly. It was. It was actually really nice and I will do it again I don't know that I need like a specific like night every week I know some people do that but I do think that asking for it when I need it. Fine with it, and then he asked it actually over the weekend he had a headache just like I can't and I was like you know what I feel like really good because you did this for me and I'm happy to do this for you, and so I think we may do that a little bit more. Yeah. That's great. Now, I took a sort of evening not not so much indict off. Having a really rough day than I You know we still had our sitter in after dinner for a little bit. Michael was with Ruth at her softball game and I said, I, really need to go for a run I hadn't got one in and I was feeling rather clustered about a lot of stuff and it was still ninety degrees but I went on a trail run and it felt much better in the shade at than it would have out on the. Street and it was just what I needed. I came back and so much of a better mood than if I had spent that time trying to answer random emails which I was going to do during an email triage time as we discussed in the last episode, just recognizing that you're kind of going off the rails and having some sort of treat or coping mechanism that you have to get yourself back to a normal place instead of wallowing in it, which is you know sometimes. Satisfying and its own twisted way. But probably, not the healthiest thing long-term if I'm GonNa Wallow in something that I, it's probably best for me to journal about it or like right out some words about it or even like draw a diagram or something because then I kind of get to enjoy the actual wallowing but then I feel like the active using my hands to do something prevents me from multitasking and also just kind of. Better know feels a little bit therapeutic. So that can be a way to acknowledge your crappy feelings, but then also relieved them at the same
Sindy and Vanel from Go Ask Your Mother
"We do we do that in a way where we talk about our experiences of how we will blow up and how we were raised and to see, are we going to do that with the children are we? Would we change? Do we want to change everybody does alive? Oversee was raised a certain way. That's why you are person who wants today. So do you WanNa implement those things within your children and if not why you know? So what was your upbringing night cindy? So I grew up with my grandma, I was raised by my grandma and she is one. Amazing women tell you that and she's a very recommend until this day she's been on the frontline she's in seven and she's been working to the. While you're in you. Corona. Upbringing. was I don't want to say straits she she was tricks to me I was it was easy for me to get away a lot because she was very hard of women just always work, and so she'd be like you know cindy stay home going to work up like, yes man and I will wait the house. And do whatever I wanted and come back and she'll think I was an angel child because beast islands. I was living my best line. and. Then she'd be like, you know McConnell, she's just hope these have been upset London we've May. have been passed up in day. Before she gets. Say Oh I'm in bus south London we get all the way out oxygen. Data. Good Guitar. All the time it was just awesome. I didn't have I didn't go any of my siblings assholes so. So, yes I was a mischievous child, but she thinks. She said, we'll keep it that way. Of My Mom and Dad. Has Several openings and Yeah. What can they get away with things that Sydney did I mean it was it was kinda impossible but Yeah. Grow of a family. Mom and dad there. Obviously, they sent me to boarding school so. It's kind of different different life in boarding school, but I won't vote because that's where the okay. Yeah. Yeah Yeah. Yeah I was I was an okay job. kind of taking from your own upbringing you want to. Use on your children. With me when our girl we always learn to respect. I do respect and love etc, and about sharing. So that's the thing that I like to tell my kids about that. I think for me is independently. From the from the beginning of quite independent, my grandma made me that way to work law. So she taught me from the eighth I was cooking rice on the stove unlike. Preparing her enough when she comes back from home without because I wanted to because I was angry working all day and. taught me from a very young age that clean the home and she was very, you must clean if you want husband must clean. bursary. You Must Cook. You must learn how to cook. You must do your luggage underneath. Hook. That time as a child I hated it I was like, wow, do on this team and clean. But like now is an adult. I'm Kinda glad that she told me they think that I just absolutely love to cook and now I do that with. The eldest child now she loves to cook and I get her to understand like you know the importance of cleaning up after yourself like I don't do things for her like she's like she's been very quite independent from. Since she was a baby and I've tried to encourage that for. So yeah that's one thing is probably independence. Karate. Kid Isn't it you have to learn how to walk so Anyway. I'm with CNN and you say in the first podcast episode that you had when you were was nineteen. Yeah. You had a few years as a young single parent and what was that like I have just become a single parent in the locker I'm an old hag. Like. I. Would that like when I was listening to your story saying yeah, it was it's been strange because. I never experienced life. I've never experienced life without a child when I think by now I was a child you know about to go into like you know the world of work, and then how childlike there was no time for play and there was no time. This might whole twenty s I was a mum like from the beginning. So that was a big shift and it was like growing up as a teenager. I was always the one that was always in bubbly didn't all the social groups and then I kind of had to like. Like, quiet down a bit because it was like, okay, I'm a Mamba that time I still didn't quite wanted to do that because I still wanted to live my life, but it was really hard trying to balance still being a young adult and a teen and having to be a responsible adult and a mom if that makes sense. So that was like that was really mentally stressful. Dot Period but now. As I've obviously grown and I've had Serena. I think I'm grateful for the experience because I've been able to. Me and saying that we've grown together like we've grown up together and we've got like such a close bond in that way because I don I stepped in. Changed the whole gambit. Guys on. Basically saying they're going to do this. You're GONNA do that. You know hope I did differently depending no. Change. Boxing I've seen that from. Sin Seeing how independent she is even though I'm in the household she still like you know dust by somebody sometimes you forget yeah because I'm used to. With anyone. I'd never lived with a man until you I've never lived with a man. I. Never imagined. And it was always like. Always on me, my bubble of me and Sienna, and like I really like even to this day I find it hard to allow you to descend things even. In the house. I'm not thrilled.
Teaching Kids to Save Money With Kennedy Reynolds of Acorns
"Well, today we're going to be talking about money specifically how to help our kids learn about saving what we can do to help them the best ways to save things like that and while we may all find ourselves. Experts in money we have Joe, have a guest joining us today who is an actual expert on this topic and knows a bit more about the specifics than we do So we're going to have her join US year. We have Kennedy Reynolds with us today. She's the chief brand officer and the head of creative marketing ACORNS, and she's also a Mama two three under five years old So welcome, Kennedy thank you so much for joining us today. Hey everybody thank you for having me. So honored to be here. It's actually like an out of body experience to hear me. Introduced as an expert about money because the people were to. If you were to ask me about money you know ten plus years ago I would have I would be like this is a dollar bill. Agnew by things. and. Change and you buy gobbled bubblegum with that and that's that's about where I am. It's so funny. Yeah I mean it's it is so. It's been a wild ride, but thank you for having me. Thanks for joining. Asked you WANNA take a couple seconds. Just tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got into what you're doing and things like that. Sure So I'm originally from Carolina So super excited to be on the phone and I've kind of lived all over the place since then we won't get into that goes too far back but I started my career in writing and copywriting in particular and then got into kind of content strategy and. In different kind of PR and communications agencies and. and then I was working at an agency in New York and got introduced through a client we work. I'm sure you've heard up. To know. Kurna who's this peo now of Acorn, which is where I am now and we? Were we started working together. We work at the very beginning we work when it was a couple of buildings and a few people and and worked on the story of we work what was the brand and you know how we're going to kind of build that story of entrepreneurs and giving them a place to. Live and so a couple of years later we had both moved on from from that work, but no I had moved to acorn. which is now the country's leading financial wellness system. Kind of get all of your money needs met in one APP. And I just had my first child, my son forest and I remember I was on before he leave and I was I was on a walk with my sign in the carrier and no one I had stayed in touch and remained friends and kind of worked on side projects and one of. Called the other wall and on this walk, and he was talking about acorns and just this kind of financial crisis in this country in particular. that he had really found this to be a calling for him and would I consider joining him and trying to build this brand? and I had sworn that I was not going to go back to work full time. And I knew nothing about. Responsible Financial Living But I got really excited about the mission which is You Know T. To support the up and coming so. How can we help people really grow their financial knowledge be financially empowered and? Here we are almost five years later I did go decide to really dive into the work and figured if I'm going to be spending any time away from my kids. then this feels like A. Mission and important problems will help solve but but nowhere in like the. His personal history of Kennedy anyone along the way she's going to write. Work in finance. So I think that I think i. Saw Myself as an example of our customer, which is somebody who you know really doesn't know too much about money and but understands that it's A pretty effective means to you know a vision. or a way of life or a goal and wanted to learn more So yeah. That's kind of natural. Yes. I got three kids that happened very, very productive years. I saved. Anything. Okay yes. Yeah. My husband's exhausted. The just stay away from each other now I'm. Angry, it's been it's been really exciting and complete, and like all the things that you guys every working parent you know are going through these days but. I've been very fortunate. What's awesome. That's really cool. Gave life takes us to some very unexpected places. Though that's totally yeah. It has definitely been the case for me. Yeah. we actually use ACORNS in our family my husband started make you using it with roundup part was how we started and I thought that was so interesting and So basically, it's an the APP takes and you can correct me if I'm wrong. But this is what I understood from what he was doing at the beginning, but it takes and it links it to his account. So when he would buy something, say it costs a dollar twenty five, it would round up to two, but that seventy five cents would go into a savings account. So it just you know really small way to start start kind of saving And he is. My husband is Mr Finance. He loves money and all the things with money. So that was something that he could kind of say hey. Laura. Look. Here's an easy way that you can. Just a couple cents here and there you don't have to do you literally don't have to do anything it just adds up and then after a while we use it and like go on a nice dinner or something small like that, and now we we use it for more
Hasbro Troll dolls almost broke the internet
"Figured we talk about a couple of stories because I've gotten I have gotten questions about both of these topics, email to me and message to me. So we ran a story over unfiltered free parents last week about the Hasbro troll doll. Did you see this tiffany? Yes, I did. Okay. So this troll doll, which is based on the character poppy. Basically it it has a button on the belly where the belly button would be, and it sings and it has like ten different phrases and sings different songs and then what parents noticed was when they opened up the doll box and they looked at the doll, there is a second button betwixt poppies legs in the. Spot and when you push it, she squeals and giggles. And that is not noted on the box. That anywhere. hoppy has a special upside down mix up park button where she's giggles and squeals. But this mom just Jessica McManus started this petition online saying. This isn't appropriate for a lot of reasons. She started a petition on change dot org where she got well over two hundred, thousand signatures at this point she says, this troll doll is basically conditioning kids should we do a trigger warning trigger warning? D. Say. Those words that could be triggering to people in regards to abuse. Okay. Is that what you have to say I? Think I. Don't know if we're GONNA talk about it. We should at least put it like on the caption of the thing when we post it is all in Oh for the for the episode. Yeah. I thought you meant right this minute we'll. Yeah, it doesn't hurt. Okay. All right. Do it now to they'd call I didn't think that near correct. But what they're basically saying is this doll and the placement of this button and the sounds at the dollar makes when you touch the button. are conditioning our kids towards A. Pedophilia being okay with being touched or molested or pedophile pedophilia, and they're saying that that's okay and some parents on the other side of this or saying we're really were really reaching. This is such a canceled culture. This is such a this. This is such that, and then there are lots of parents that are saying, well, why are we putting a button in that spot? Anyway. Like what is the need for a child's toy for a button to be there? So I just thought we'd have a conversation about that. Well and from what I understand. There isn't an actual button correct me if I'm wrong. There isn't an actual button on the dolls stomach. Like there's no, it's inside. So you so her stomach is flat and you touch it. It's right. It's like a squeeze I, guess. Yeah. Whereas on the CROTCH. It's an actual protruding it is there is. There is a cut out. You can see the button it looks it's a circular button. That's exactly what it looks like that. You would rise and so that's my point is that why I don't know anyway so I was interested in what they had to say about it. They said, this feature was designed to react when the doll was seated, but we recognize the placement of the sensor may be perceived as an appropriate. Does like what does that mean like when you slam it down it goes When you sit down at does it like gasps and giggles? and. So. It begs a few questions for me personally number one I'd like to know how did it get through? So many marketing and production meetings that nobody was in the corner raising their hands saying hey. Quick. Question why are we putting a button on poly? What's her name Poppies Vagina like why are we doing like? Why would we put it? They're like why? If we want poppy to sing an extra song or doing extra giggle? Do we not put it on the hand? Are we not put like like you know what I'm saying like there was nobody in any one of these because you have to think. I don't know much about big business but what I can tell you. Is that there had to have been how many marketing and production meetings and prototypes built of poppy prior to going to production and being in the local Walmart and target Right. There have to. There's no way because I I just know how many times I have to get a sample of t-shirt when I'm just printing my own t shirts where I'm like, you know what I don't like I don't like the way the t looks there. I don't like the this or that, and you play with it and you go back and forth how many meetings did they have? Where people were sitting around a table and looking at a prototype and think note the vagina that's where the button should be, and even if it was for sitting how often in reality are you actually like sitting? Adul- down I'm trying to think like I feel like when my kid plays with dolls, they're standing and just be beep and then thrown like it's never like. Seated so much that there needs to be or it would make sense. It would make sense if it was one of those, like, do you remember the dolls that the ones that you feed the Plato or the bottle with, and then you sit them on the toilet? That makes sense to see to have a seated position for the doll because I have I have taken a bunch of Plato out of out of that dolls. But before because what was it baby alive? That's stupid. Baby alive was you'd feed it Sophia would feed it. There was little plato things where you could make it look like peas or carrots or baby food or whatever, and then it would eventually make. Its way into the diaper but mostly, I was just pulling plato out of dolls but right. But it would sit on a potty and you could make p you'd push its belly and the P. would come out. Yes. So that would make sense for a seated thing.
The Midwifery Model of Care with Sarah Stetina, CNM
"I would love to dive into. The training and education. So I know that there's different kinds of midwives but in order to practice in Illinois, you have to be CNN correct yes. Currently certified nurse Midwives at the only legal provider in Illinois but there's more than just two midwife types and that's kind of what makes midwifery kind of confusing or there's a lot of misconceptions about midwifery because there's so many different entries. So the first obviously as nurse Midwifery, that's what I am, and it made the most sense for me to choose nurse Midwifery because like I said I didn't learn about midwifery until was already in nursing school. So it made sense to go on and get my master's degree and specialize in midwifery, and so that row is a master's degree. It can also be a doctorate degree and it's similar to a nurse Practitioner which also masters program but you you have the same education to a certain point and then they branch off until your specialty. So you could be a needle natal nurse practitioner. You could be acute care nurse, practitioner, family nurse Practitioner. Nurse unnecess- or a nurse midwife. All of those things are kind of in the same level. Just our specialty that that varies. And so that was my education. was going to finish my masters degree doing clinicals and didactic and. Doing births and all being clinic and office visits and learning all the skills, and then you have to sit for a national. Certifying exam. And Pass that to become certified and then you have to apply for licensure in your state. So there are other routes there's also certified midwives which are Also. Take US certifying national exam. And may go through an accredited program, but they're not nurses I and it's not a masters of nursing degree at summit where free degree that isn't legal in every state. There's certain states that allow certified midwives and then the third is the certified professional midwife, which is also certified by a national exam and there are midwifery programs for CPM's or certified professional midwives. But they're not recognized every state. I, think it's up to like thirty two states now that recognized CPM's most of them work. In out of hospital setting wall nurse midwives typically work in hospital settings, but it can vary depending on the state. and certified professional midwives spent a lot of time in an apprenticeship without of hospital midway experienced midwives learning that in addition to their. Schooling. So very comparable it's just the model pathway that you want to enter midwifery. And then there's traditional midwives which maybe don't take a certifying exam don't. Have a license and have learned midwifery from being passed down through generations, and that's how midwife midwifery kind of started in the United States. And there's a lot of wisdom to be gained from traditional midwives but. The country doesn't usually recognize them as. Legal providers. Yeah do would you say that there is a lot of misconceptions around education as a midwife Oh yeah. I think a lot of people think you don't know what you're doing. Oh Yeah. I, think a lot of people don't realize they compare us with Dulas. People ask me all the time oh you deliver babies no. When I tell them I'm like, oh so like a Dula and I'm like well, no. And they're you know it's so interesting. Once, I learned everything about midway free. You just assume that everyone else is going to figure it out to which obviously is not the keys I was in nursing school didn't know what Wise Ray but that campaign in the nineteen hundreds that kind of. Discredited midwives which was led by the. Physicians and Medical Association to get people to him birth in a hospital. The kind of told the story that midwives were dangerous and an educated and not safe, and that is a really successful campaign because it is still prevalent in in the way that people think about midwives today and so I'd say whether you're CPM Siham, 'em or a CNN. Or choosing those providers most of them are very very educated and have a lot of knowledge and our experts at normal physiological birth. and. Midwives nurse midwives. In particular can we can prescribe we can order imaging, we can do lab work, we can manage normal guy any staff so whether that's a PAP smear. Cycles birth control throughout the life span. And I don't think people realize that we don't just do pregnancy and birth you can come see me for anything that you'd go see an ob for for the most part, and if it's out of my scope, I'm going to refer you appropriately in in there are levels of of scope of practice but. Yet for most. People you can see a midwife for pretty much everything related to reproductive health, right which leads us to another misconception. Because honestly I didn't really know that before. My introduction midwives was my sister when she was pregnant with her oldest who's twelve now. She didn't plan on using a midwife. She had some crazy thing happen. With her insurance, dropped her because her doctor mixed up her medical records and then they went take her and she got pregnant. No insurance started looking at alternative methods and found this midwife. And ended up doing an at home birth in that was my first. Experience seeing a birth and just fell in love with that and she ended up having all four of her kids at home. And I also dislike fell in love with her midwife she's she was doctrine Venezuela she studied birth the Amazon she came to the states started this practice and very wise. Gosh, she's so amazing and And so it's cool because then became a delay gotta work with her with some other berths to. But before that. Also, I. Yeah. You just you picture a midwife it's a home birth. It's You know. And that's all they do is birthing right and obviously now that I know it's like. I'm going to. Be Used mid wife's for the rest of my life. I'm like in menopause you know what I mean. I can still go to them not just when I'm having a baby you can have that relationship based care that really holistic approach in every aspect of your healthcare pretty much, and we're trained as a nurse midwives trained in primary care as well. So basic primary care, your annual exams, even just a asthma management simple things we are very capable and entering. To to manage as well and for for the the myth that midwives only do home birth that's really prevalent. I. Tell people a midwife and they immediately assume that I'm delivering babies at home which there's nothing wrong with that obviously uses your head a wonderful home breath but you can buy midwives in literally every setting whether it's home birth centers, hospitals clinics. Federally, Qualified Health Centers Academia doing research. You know we're we're everywhere that a physician might be
How To Make Sure Your Child Learns This School Year
"Once we've thought through our own needs as workers if people in the household, you know the next question is what about our kids what our kids need now's a great time to ask how did my kids? Do when they were learning online in the spring Howard they feeling about the possibility of doing more online learning. Are they self directed learners or was it a real struggle for them? You know younger kids especially in some kids with disabilities. humbling learning is tough. You know what I'm hearing is that a lot of families are taking this enforced pause to trying to think through what their kids need you. Know you kind of have to assess what are your kids really have to have right now to get through this year in a positive way and for a little more perspective on this, I talked to someone who's really an expert in self directed learning. Crystal Dillard. She's the director of natural creativity, which is a homeschooling resource center in Philadelphia and what that means is that she helps children from really diverse backgrounds. kind of design learning experiences that really meet them where they're at. So that can mean anything from studying. Physics to woodworking photography and she told me that often even within the same family, you'll find children have really different needs. There may be one young person who is responsive to what is being given. You know in terms of. Schooling right now, but there's almost always one who is just not responding to. It doesn't WanNa do it, and the parent is really put in a position that either I'm going to be forcing a young person to sit down and do something they don't WanNa do or I'm going to really think about whether is as important as what I even though it wasn't. So. Don't forget to sit down with your kids and ask what would they prefer an an unpack it yeah I mean. So let's talk about the actual options, right what is your day? What is your week? Potentially? What is your semester going to look like if you're in a public school district and we know many of them are going to be online only in the fall Then that's really going to be the backbone or the default for many of you out there. So obviously staying. Enrolled will keep you supporting your Public School District It is free besides obviously the cost of a Wifi device and the time it takes to oversee it. Yep, and you should know that in our reporting, what we've come across is that a lot of districts really feel like what they have to offer is going to be a little bit more robust than what they had in the spring. Maybe more live instruction may be more sophisticated in terms of what the teachers are doing you know. And, that might be better or worse for you. Right because live instructions sometimes means more to coordinate and getting different kids and multiple different zooms. But we also know is that your school's remote learning is not going to fill the whole what would be the school day So then what do you do and I have been collecting lots of information and resources some you know summer gonNA use free courses paid courses live recorded. There's so many different options if you're looking for places to fill in. Gaps, I think a really good tip is to look at your own states learning standards that can be really detailed for the grade especially in things like science think about what topics you might want to cover for a particular grade with every of energy for there's there's a wide range of things I want to mention. You know there's also kind of prefabricated home school curricula in a box. There's a Montessori ones or some other ones that are really kind of everything you need to know to homeschool. There's individual online live classes, right? Your your kids trying out school year my eleven year old is taking a class on out school. Ethics in sports. And it was just like you know there were there were list of hundreds of classes and a buddy of his is just taking this for an hour a day. He did one just today he loved it. It location is no longer an object, right? So so what could you do in terms of alive class? One out of the box resource is a fiber. I know some people that are looking for tutors for their kids including international language tutors who could be really cheap by our your local. Dancer IOS and places. Piano teachers are probably all offering versions of what they do online now. So that's an interesting option to consider that socially distanced There's always software based learning resources like Khan Academy to Supplement and don't forget your networks. My mom is teaching art to my daughter's once a week they really get into that. That's like an hour long activity they learn about different artists and they. Make work. There is high school students and college students all over the country that are banding together to offer tutoring sessions and I would recommend picking one or two. You know a great interest for your kids or something that they really need to work on or both to kind of supplement what's going on with with the remote learning once you have a handle on your own needs and your kids needs. then. It's time to kind of look at your broader community and think about bringing other kids into the mix so that your your kid can have some social interaction, right? Yeah and obviously you're GonNa want be on the same page with the. In that circle you'RE GONNA. WanNa talk about you know how big is your circle? How much exposure do you have on a regular basis to other families in their habits and obviously you're also GONNA want to double down on the basics handwashing mask wearing again, the honor system anytime you start thinking about spending time with other families you need to have a conversation, those families you need to be able to discuss and bring up what precautions everyone's taking. If there's been any exposures, are you comfortable asking someone to take a test one mother I talked to who is thinking a lot about forming a pod because she has? An only child is prudence. Carter, and she also has some respiratory health issues herself. So she needs to be extra careful really really be able to like talk openly about testing and taking temperature washing hands and social distancing and everybody has to be admitted to that. You know let through kind of the different options you have as a household or with family or friends What about if you decide you need to and can afford to pay for childcare What are we looking at here? I? Mean some families are talking about sharing a tutor or a sitter. Some districts are starting to open up subsidized care. And we know there are lots of childcare centers that have reopened although they may have fewer slots, available and then of course, there in home daycares that are interestingly you know opening their doors to slightly older kids who you know they. They might have previously focused on pre kindergarten kindergarten. and. Now maybe they are taking second third fourth
Abuse Prevention Strategies to Keep Our Kids Safe (with Rosalia Rivera)
"In to start out with at least on this very scary issue of child sexual abuse as you know and. I only know a little bit about this. The statistics are daunting ferry and it's scary thing to is these are just the numbers that are reported. So the numbers are likely higher than what is being put out there, and parents are surprisingly still unaware of how prevalent and what the potential is for their families and it's been increased by the access through online predators you know. So it's now a a two fold situation. So what are some of the basics that we can do as parents to our children or to help them to develop that healthy sense of their boundaries and serving them? Making it less likely that they're going to be victims. So I always recommend to parents to start as early as possible. I mean you can teach about consent from birth. A. Lot of it is more about away that we speak torch on our intention and how we communicate to let them know that we are willing to communicate about our physical exchanges everything from changing a diaper to bathing them. Usually. It's around the time when parents are starting to potty train that this starts to come up because they're realizing that. Other. People may start to need to help them with this process and the concept of private parts starts to come into play and so usually that's when parents will start to think about it. But. You know you can start from his earliest possible by teaching children some of the basics of body safety which is teaching them the correct anatomical names for their private parts. That's part of body safety in in the fact that you're teaching body positivity. I was raised with not using the correct terms because there was a lot of shave in the household around bodies and sexuality, and my mom's also a survivor and she just didn't know how to approach it. So if we can start with some of those basics of body safety of teaching the right names and then talking about safe and unsafe touch. There's three really that you can start with, which is the private parts, correct anatomical names teaching about safe and unsafe touch privacy right around those parts, and then the third piece is about secrets and explaining the difference between secrets and surprises that sort of distinction right to help a child understand because there's a lot of well-meaning adults who allow them it could be grandparents who wanna like gift child something and they think it's just an innocent thing to tell the child don't tell your parents because they're probably not going to like approve of giving you candy or whatever it is right and again a well-meaning person, but it sets up. The wrong precedent for being able to keep secrets. So if we can make the distinction for kids about secrets and surprises and encourage the adults in our children's lives, not to ever ask our children's, you know, keep even well-meaning secrets educating the people in our child's lives who are caregivers about the fact that we're gonNA be embarking on abuse prevention education. You're sort of putting up a kind of a red flag to potential predators to say like we're GONNA be on top of this. We're GONNA be aware and and then as the child develops to layer different aspects that are a little bit more complex while still making accessible for them. I love that you brought up talking to the adults because I think that's so important when we consider the imbalance of power between young children and adults especially if it's grandmother or uncle or somebody that part of their family, how hard is it for a child to still over rule in a way something that this adult is doing with them and that's one of the things that I teach is how to communicate with those adults because we tend to have this fear. Like we don't want to insult anyone or make them feel uncomfortable because it's a different way of seeing an approaching children I think that a lot of our own parents grandparents or even relatives sometimes it's cultural. They're just used to being able to go in and give a hug and kiss and I think that that is starting to shift. There's a lot more talk about giving kids the right to choose how they WANNA show affection and how they want to greet someone but there's Still, a lot of pushback from those adults and sometimes they may try to kill to child and like make them feel bad for not giving affection, and if we don't communicate with those dolts and say you know that's actually against what we're teaching. You know there's there's diplomatic ways of saying it and having these conversations all of it always comes down to communication but if we can be that frontline for our kids particularly when they're so young that they're still learning this where teaching. Through modeling because when we vocalized that on of our kids and they hear us talking about it, they're learning that language and they're learning that they have the right. We we're encouraging them in the backing them up it's being vocalized and it gives them that reassurance that they can assert their rights to their boundaries.
Sara Haines Talks Being The Best Mom You Can Be
"You know I knew I could be the mother I wanted to be to one and I knew I could be a great mother to and I I think this you yes. I think I can be a great mother to my third and I don't know beyond that I thought such A. Such A. Wise. Honest thing to think about like what kind of mother do you want to be and physically what band with do you have to be everything you'd want to be for each of your kids I'm curious mean I. You know obviously your babies very little still but have you been able to find ways to be the mom you want to be to each of them and what does That juggle look like so far I think first of all the journey of Parenthood, not just Motherhood Parenthood in general is a roller coaster there ebbs and flows. So catching me on a good day, I might be like this is what it's like in the next day just kind of like what the heck is going on here and like completely confused for the most part I found I'm. Pulling it off, but I have to limit because to be my best self I have to have things for me. I have to nurse Sarah isn't there not where mom not worse they are the wife not Sarah the daughter where who I've become as you know, the forty two years on this earth who I am I have to have her in there and I have to nurture her and I think As women, not even just moms moms takes it next level, but women tend to give outside of themselves. So to be my best self, which will ultimately mean for the kids have to carve out time that allows me to grow in my marriage and to grow with my girlfriends and grow in alone time and I think you can't your hand in every bucket there's just not enough to go round so. I'm definitely at my capacity right now not in stress but in availability I some days have it all scheduled other days don't get to anything and barely feel like I pulled the day off but I see glimpses of the ability to do it. It just isn't a habit yet or discipline and it comes and goes, but it's there. I think beyond this I would be losing my morale ability to be my best self like I think depression anxiety can cloud you and if You dip into that you're not even seeing clearly for what you have and I think by getting addicted to meeting another soul, I would be compromising. The balance had already for me right? Not for them. What are things that you do to stay close to yourself? How do you not completely give yourself away during that process because I think it's something that we talk a lot about here at conversation have think with like every mom out there. Selfishly, we asked this question to. The biggest thing is and I did this when I was single too I think when you are not married not having kids, you are so to yourself, it's usually a career. If you're in Newark, you know. So you consumer and with the not putting down cell phone, you can really consume it all day long and whether you're not dating and you're like, I'm just working too much put everything off and you can hide in a career because. There's achievement there. There's feedback their success, and then I think you have to remember that somewhere along the way you don't have a life and job will get you in a second and so I remember ways being big on what's my hobby if I had not a day on the beach to walk a lot but if you literally had one activity that makes you happy what is it? Is it reality TV is cooking is it working out? Is it? For me, it's reading I love fiction just love a good book I literally TV I can get anxious watching and space off and be like I, wasn't even paying attention to work it. I try to I. Mean I I'm kind of laughing 'cause work for watching the Bachelorette. My job to by. Research really over achieving I. DO I have a for But breeding to me is addictive. It's. Intoxicating literally, leave myself and come back and I had the array of emotions and feelings. So if you can lock into what you love and give that to yourself in small doses for me, I have to read before I can fall asleep. So even on an exhausted night, I might make it one page on an iphone. So. It's a paragraph other days. I can't put it down and to me that fills me a Sarah and those places I can go on any story, any adventure, and even though young kids keeps our lives very insular and confined, and we're not very mobile I can go anywhere in a book. And so for me, that's what feeds my soul.