We could all use a laugh. Get the giggles listening to the latest audio releases from these hilarious comedy podcasts.
My Husband's New Hobby is Harrassing People
"Corona virus arrived in February and my husband retired in May, like the rest of us he is in doing what he planned gone. Ernie thoughts of traveling attending sports events or picking up a job as a substitute teacher I worried at first about what he would do when he retired he doesn't Gulf or fish and has never had hobbies. But I didn't need to worry he's found a new hobby and it's consuming hours of his time. He is now harassing people. The other day he spent an hour on the phone with our Internet provider. He found out he could save twenty dollars a month by cancelling his current contract and starting out as a new customer by the end of their conversation. He had lowered our bill by sixty dollars the day before that, he spent three hours talking to the insurance company. When he got off the phone, he said I got our premiums reduced and there's no copay. Last. Week, we got a check for one hundred and fifty dollars in the mail. What's this check for I ass? That's from the class action suit. He said class action suit. Yeah. That's why I was on the phone. So Long I looked through our records and found out we were eligible for some money. Today I opened an envelope and a fifty dollar check fluttered out. That's a refund for overpaying our dental bill. My husband said I was on the phone with them for three hours I had to speak with four different managers before the agreed it was their mistake. At first I was irritated by his endless hours on the phone. But now I'm enjoying his hobby I like watching checks drift in but even better than a cheque is my brand new stainless steel oven. Yes. You heard me right I I have a brand new stainless steel oven. Are Old of and broke and we have a yearly service contract for appliance repairs. The service company sent out a repairman, but he needed to order a part only the oven was so old the part no longer existed. My husband got out the service contract and read all twenty six pages until he got to the fine print. Do you see this he jabbed a finger at a line of print the size of fire ants. I can't see it even when my glasses on what's it say? I, ask. It says, if can't fix our appliance, they have to buy a new one. I didn't believe even with his success ed acquiring checks that somebody would give us a free appliance. I was wrong. It took him six emails, four phone calls and some texting back and forth. But we finally got to pick out a gleaming new stainless steel oven, several more phone calls and the service company installed it for free. I think you wore them down I said. I thought this was his biggest harassment success story but there's more talked our daughter into buying a service contract with the same company. But when her washing machine broke, the repairman couldn't fix it after a month of going to the LAUNDROMAT and washing clothes outside in a plastic kids swimming pool she called. Dan Do you have any suggestions we've been without a washing machine for a month. Did you read the fine print of your contract? My husband said I think you can get a new washing machine give them a call. She called them but she was too busy to spend hours on the phone and her husband is more like me. He likes the tenacity in the stomach for the necessary blitz Craig phone calls. So my husband went to work only this time it looked as if success would elude him. They sent another repairmen out, but it still doesn't work. Right our daughter complained they said, I'm not eligible for a new one. My husband escalated the situation. He even stayed on the phone when we were taking our walks, you go ahead of me. He said, as soon as we headed down the sidewalk, I've got a manager on the line. This went on for three days and then our daughter called with good news. She had a new washing machine. I can't believe it. She said no washing clothes and the kids poll. Today. My husband is on the phone with the mortgage company. I don't know what they're talking about, but it's a long conversation.
Celebrities and cocktails
"So nice to see you again interior. It's been a long while I o spend the two years since I left new. York At, busy. So Nice to be you. I will say that I was like, what am I gonNa say I like you from that? I was like Oh everything. You've done is like one of the things that I love the most? Well, I was GONNA. Say. So you recently started a podcast it's called busy Phillips is doing her best showing Thira is a huge part of that podcast. It's very and yeah. So you interview celebrities and people of note, and just talk about how people are pivoting and doing their best. At it is very timely to now you started this podcast before. Well, I feel like we sold it almost a year ago with October of last year you know basically we had a whole idea for a new way of doing things and making stuff and we were working on this really big projects that had a lot of moving parts and we had like our big meeting with all of these money people in New York that was scheduled for March sixteenth. how and that was that you know, and so I we. Timing. Yeah. You know whatever we're I feel very blessed in my life to be a person that's able to have perspective and self-awareness and Ceantierre and I have been talking a little bit during that time also just like we've kept in touch since busy tonight and I always just loved like are writer's room and busy tonight was really small is only three writers which for those of you at home that's slowly insane. Very. Small I think we had more writers doing ashby another. For. Clear they were being paid less. Absolutely. No one was making a ton of money. Why it was so confusing that they cancel because I was like is this show is free. Just crazy. The shoe string that we were managing to do that. You know I feel like was a really successful show at the. But nobody uses the term like indie talkshow nobody that but it really wasn't indeed talk show that's like. We. Definitely should have gotten. Independent Spirit Award. One hundred percent. If we could go back. Let's get some games. We gotta get. Some Games. Can we can I say one more thing though about the podcast Ligo I have a theme song that I sang and Mr Jonathan Coulton wrote the theme song for me to how did you not tell us this? All of our meetings, Jonathan talking about busy and getting ready for this. You'd you felt no need to just mention that I. You know I don't like to Brag. I WANNA tell everybody. I love. Good the full picture. Okay. So you eighty first game, you're going to work together in this one. I know shed Thira cut it knows the drill obviously, but you're gonNA, work together. This one this is a word game So those are typically on the tougher side. It's also about famous people and alcohol. Great things I love, right yeah. Let's go. So my God. In any particular order depending on the day? I'll take either both of them lift my spirits. So, we're going to give you a cocktail recipe that describes a mash up of a cocktail in the name of a celebrity and you are going to give us the Masher. I'm ready heads up I drink a whisky. NEAT. So I don't know if we're going to be the best mix and let's go. Here's your first one. Okay. Mix Rum Curragh CEO, or is that and fresh lime juice and serve it to the super model and new host of dancing with the stars and maybe you'll get a smile out of her. Okay. I know it's Tyra Banks Ray. Rum. My tyra banks, my tyrod. She and yeah, that was. Yeah. Okay, okay You Know My grandmother my dad's mom my parents lived in Hawaii because my dad was in the navy and she used to like to go to the pink hotel and she called them high ties. And not my. High Time? Because after one, she started saying hi. Tie. Another high tide. Instead of tie and so I always call them high tides. Forever, I'm in Hawaii, I'd go to the Pink Hotel and I have one in her honour office.
Tanya Rad Breaks Down Why Chris Evans Is Trending and That NSFW Photo
"I. The question was raised moments ago from Tanya. Rod. Do you have nudes on your camera roll nudes of ourselves? Or other acts ourselves yourself tubs, you got a naked photos of yourself on your phone. I store all those in heart. hard-drive dry that's appropriate. Put them in hard drive. Yeah. Exactly WanNA put your nudes in hard drive. Howdy any on your phone? No no no no. No. No No Oh yeah tons member. I. Got Mine in Dropbox in our company dropbox. Yeah I remember that yeah. Yeah. The company's never been the same actually. Transporter Yeah John IV I I mean his his beard grew in just that dropbox he didn't eat. Only our engineer. Only, our engineer Andy. You'd think alien shown to everybody. Left. So He left you send nudes that he quit. He said send them. I accidentally uploaded them because I was charged changing phones, and so all of my photos downloaded onto my work computer as their reason, we're having this conversation. First of all, do you have any news on your phone I? Do not take pictures of myself like that Let. Me Tell you why. That's a smart idea. Why? I can't. Connect, dot. Thank you don't don't need you to tell me because Chris Evans over the weekend he was. He had he shared a screen recording of his family playing the game heads up the game where you kind of the clue on your phone and it's on your head and so it's on your phone. Obviously. So when the video ended a camera roll displayed on the screen, it showed a photo of his manhood. And he quickly quickly took it down but obviously, people got screen shots and stuff like that. So this story went everywhere. It's not one hundred percent sure that that photo wasn't necessarily his phone or that it was his manhood in the photo. But I mean, the reactions were seriously like the tweets everything that happening over the weekend or so funny girl said I did not have Chris Evans accidentally sharing his. Manhood picks on instagram stories as one of my co Bingo. But Twenty twenty roles on I'm going to need a minute. Captain America. Let me shield down Do we have the photo, you put the photo on the report. No. Everywhere for this. Some described it in positive light. I guess I could just say and some deny another. Other person a tweet that said. It looked like a picture of a manhood and like a giant sidewalk Filled the entire sidewalk and I said, oops Chris Evans fell. Confused I don't. Go. When you go to the restaurant and they and you get a delicious salad and Go from yes. Would you like some pepper with that? Yes. Pepper back. To the camera I, can't even understand what that is sending texts. I can't tell what that is. Senate in the text, it's currently at ninety eight percent on rotten tomatoes apparently. Bigger. Ken. Why would you? Not Put that picture in the report I. Mean That's all I. WanNa see. I KINDA WANNA. See to now. Yeah compare and contrast. It's like. I can't I already got in trouble for having minute in dropbox I can't have this report. We're not going to this. This is you're doing a report. It in the con- put in the subject for my report and then send it. For work. Purposes. For for this is content. Tania's techs clean look at it. I've just seen it I've just seen. It I WANNA see it now here I'll put it in the group chat no, no thanks. No. Thanks not after. I can just send it to me directly. Okay, yeah don't don't include me on this one that's saying it's inappropriate. It's totally inappropriate. How disgusted am I even listening to? Wish. Because you put in the report normally she puts a photo evidence of things in my report page, she skipped it. I'm GonNa from Eastern and Tanya right now walking around with that thing. Y- walking around with that. Where's eastern. Let me hear the sound Mois. Engineer Eastern isn't a vendors fan. So He may have this on his phone you may be right. Marveling at it right now.
NRA Issues F Rating To Bugs Bunny For Tying Up Guns Into Pretzel Shape
"In the wake of new. York. Attorney, General, Latisha James's lawsuit against their organization. The powerful National Rifle Association is clapping back. I. Think I'm using that right? Anyway. The Guns Rights Organization today issued an F rating to bugs bunny for tying up guns into Pretzel Shapes. For more I'm joined by OPR senior alcohol tobacco firearms and explosive correspondent Marcy Hammond mercy. What was the NRA's thinking here while the NRA reserved. The F. rating figures at deems is particularly harmful to the rights of gun owners and leadership believes that bugs his long history of firearm destruction qualifies him. Here's how NRA deputy spokesperson Rhonda mcdaniel. Explain their decision time and time. Again, we have seen this radical agitators seeking to curtail the Second Amendment Rights of Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam by twisting their lawfully purchased firearms into a big bowl and the NRA has had enough. Now let's be clear. Bugs is a beloved cultural figure with relatively little political sway is it really in line with Americans interest for a gun lobby to be targeting him round the NRA certainly thinks. So while the organization has been weakened over the years due to lawsuits and falling public opinion they signal, they'll be devoting considerable resources to getting what they call a no. Good Rascal Rabbit here's mcdaniel. Again, if these sort of left distant imitation tactics prevail, we're looking at a future where government agents can just come to your home while you're sleeping and bend your gun into a youth shape or jammed the barrels with carrots coastal elites like bugs bunny may be okay with that outcome, but real Americans will never stand for it mercy. Some have accused the gun right's organization of not caring about tune rights they pushed for decades to deregulate bazookas. Dynamite sticks coming from the ACME company. That's true. But the NRA would point you to their a rating for Marvin, the Martian. For providing what they call a sterling example of responsible gun ownership. Sure. But do they have any other tactics to push back against what they see boxes anti-gun stance while the F. reading a tactic in and of itself of course. But beyond that NRA leadership announced, they'll be launching a public pressure campaign encouraging members to email and tweet bugs bunny to tell him actions are harming the American way of life. They're also lobbying Congress to remove him from television claiming that he's been brainwashing our nation's children with anti-gun propaganda, and if those tactics are unsuccessful, they have plans to draw big angle on his head. To, imagine that this separating didn't sit very well with everyone. That's certainly true. Leslie several gun control groups have spoken out against the move with MOMS demand action launching a new ancient stinker ad campaign targeting the NRA. Responded not personally, but a spokesperson reached out to tell reporters quote meet me. Okay. Then Marcie please keep us updated. That's OPR's Marcy
Fun Trivia with Hilary Swank, Andy Richter and Yvette Nicole Brown
"Joining us right now we have Andy Richter and Yvette Nicole Brown hello. Hello, hi Oh vera. Out of the So Hey, you know it's amazing to have you both on and also both of you are really have done. A lot of game shows Andy. You have even done the top echelon of what our listeners love jeopardy celebrity jeopardy I was on twice. Yeah. The second time I was on was part of a celebrity tournament of champions. The winners from that were supposed to come back and we ended up Conan and I were on the tonight show, and then we weren't on the tonight show. then. Went on a tour and the day of the remainder or the next step of the tournament was our opening night of the tour. So I was in. Eugene. Oregon while Isaac Mizrahi filled in for me apparently not my I mean I'm perfectly happy to. Fill in for me. Is If. He made most of his career based on your cancellations. I believe he does exactly exactly my womenswear line I just couldn't finish. Right head. And, Yvette you have been on a loads of game shows. Yeah. What is your favorite game show appearance as a contestant been? Oh Gosh. You're so hard I really love Hollywood game night the Jane Lynch because you never know what game it's going to be I can I can also speak to Hollywood game night they pour the booze down there they do. You. Listen I'm very competitive. So every time I do the show I don't drink because. I nothing makes me happier than winning someone else money, and so I'm there to help those people about how To propose it everybody I'm Michael be tossing back. Whiskey sours and being the reason why? I know Andy. This yes. September thirteenth you are bringing back. The live streaming event from the Sitcom yelled Andy Richter controls the universe. Yes and so what prompted this event? I mean people have been doing this cast reunion table Ridi thing for charity online because you know there's a lot of attention starved people. Get some attention and they tell you get entities that need our help. No, that's secondary. Today virtual reunion of the community cast. Recently when we did it for community, it was from the kindness of our hearts, Andy Richter. All right. All right. Right. You did that in May right we do now do you keep in contact with the your other cast mates? We've always had a group chat or two going I found out during that charity event that Donald Glover wasn't in our current. Routes. Something funny. Happened in. Somebody had some further information about the joke and I said put in the group Jen. Donaldson. Put it into what? Is it the thing nobody would since ever exclude Donald Glover for any other reason besides being respectful of Donald Glover's time We let him know like listen man, you are a lion king. On Somali. Music and stuff. So He's in the group chat. Now at least once a week he goes why did I ask to be here because? We text each other. So I WANNA talk about your new project on audible room room. But let's play a game right and this game is called hooked on lyrics. What we've done is we've asked some kids to read lyrics to popular music that was popular before they were born. They probably have never heard any of these songs before, but we haven't to read the lyrics and your job is just to guests the songs. So we're GONNA start with you in gets aric. My name is Jane. I'm nine years old and I'm from new. York. The faith thousand day use so to ask they had to feel. That future boom boom Ah. Okay. Can I say that I missed most of it because I was I, think oscillating listening to her. Yet black-eyed peas black eyed peas boom boom POW, is the name of the song. Oh Are In anti. This one is for you. This is Jane again, and this time she's got some lyrics from a Nobel prize winning folksinger still laugh about everybody that was hanging out now you don't talk. So out now you don't seem so proud about having to me scratching next meal. That is like a rolling stone by Bob Dylan. Absolutely, correct that's right. I'm pretty sure as a nine year old, she does not have a Bob Dylan poster in her room. Not yet not yet not she's a fan of Nobel Prize winner she might. That's
Clean Up Your Dog Poop
"Nursing get started today at e CPI Dot. Edu. took. Elvis durant phone tap right. Let's just hop into the phone tap today the phone tap starring Danielle Manera. All right. What's it all about Christine emails and says, my mom walks her dog and never picks up the poop. Please call her and tell her that the people and they are upset about this. She loves her dog and she will not be very happy you love doing. Hoop phone taps poop. POOP is your friend. Hero Daniel doing the phone tap let's listen. Shall We? Looking for Leslie please breaking. My name is Cheryl. And I'm calling from the neighborhood. And people will have been really upset with you about your Chihuahuas. Won't. Yeah because you're letting them poop on everyone's lawn and you're not cleaning up after the not to know it is true that true yeah and you know there's a lot of people who are actually putting a petition together to have you get rid of the dogs. Got To be kidding me kidding you. They're like little tiny rats in the first place and you're letting them just poop anywhere. They want in the neighborhood. I'M GONNA make sure from now on that I can pick up every little single. That is there. A little too late to pick up the POOP. That's there because we have pictures of just leaving the poop and walking away listen you know what do you want me to do? Now I'm work I don't have time for this. So I cannot talk to you. I'm working on getting the poop out the neighborhood. All right. Well, I will make sure that from now on. Think picked up what about the pictures I have right now hello. That's my hope is now a better time I look I don't have time for this right now. Okay. Like I, said, I'm make sure that from now on every single poop is picked up and nothing is going to be left around and but also make sure that you on everybody else's dogs to make sure that there's no big dogs pooped all over the place because I found plenty especially even in my own front lawn. That the dogs around the neighborhood don't Poop as much as your dog. Okay Goodbye. There's little poops everywhere. Listen enough is enough I do not have time for this I don't care what you have time for. You know what I have time for I. Don't have time for stepping on Poop and getting it on my brand new. Manila. Blahnik. That's what I don't got time for all really listen first of all if you own a pair Manolas, you wouldn't believe in the neighborhood. Okay I spend all my money on right goodbye don't know right me goodbye don't hang up on me again. Hello. Dr Profit may help you. Yes. You can help me. You can stop picking all come on now in Belleville enough please. Give me answers that I'm looking for that. I WanNa know why you would let your Chihuahuas poop all over the neighborhood. How many times do I have to tell you? I do not do that and like I said from on I will strictly make sure that if in case I have left anything behind that, it will be picked up. Okay and guess what I also know you don't have a license for those two months and you know what I have. Them pick up like that. Okay. Then you know what you do, whatever you need to do and just leave me alone. Why are they so important to their dogs what do you care I do care I'm concerned citizen of the neighborhood. Okay good. So then you should be watching for other things and shootings and things that are going on in the neighborhood instead of constantly watching my dog okay you but you know what? That's already been there in the pig. Anymore, anywhere it has been we've got pictures of you walking away. Fine okay. Limit admitted say you're right I am not going to omit any I walked away from poop just say I walked from like I said if you do what you need to do and stop calling me at my job. Okay. Say I Anything. Say I walked away from poop no I'm not gonNA say that because that is not so but it is. So I have picked. Do whatever you need to do with your pictures. From, Pope don't you have anything better to do I'm not going to admit to that because I did not. All you have to do is say I walked away from poop. It's very simple. Listen please enough. Let me alone. Okay. This is a doctor's office. I don't have time for your. Enough. Is Enough. Yeah. This is exactly what you've been leaving around the neighborhood. I'M NOT GONNA say a walk away from poop. You're. I. Believe. That I am not going to say it. said. You want to
Size with Jayde Adams an``d Stephanie Yeboah
"But last night I played a new game I'd never played for called Word Slim. And the idea was you'd get a cont. That would have a clue on like hot air balloon and in under a minute you have to clue your partner. You can only use words on cards in your deck. So if it was hot air balloon, for example, you could do what I did and use the word transport old fashioned. Sky. and. They're sort of obviously shouting things out and trying to guess, and if you're playing with Thomas Alinsky, he won't know what that means. All you can do what the opposing team did and just use the word up. And with that one word, they would know that the answer was hot air ballooning. Even, though that team was not married. And hadn't spent every waking hour of lockdown together. So should be more a little bit more telepathic but what are you gonNa do I can't think what other things old-fashioned transport in the sky but anyway, it doesn't matter. Lots of rounds forced us into rather binary way of describing things like, for example, when Thomson Linski queued janitor as man job inside building and I said, afterwards could be a woman Jonathan could be woman but this kept happening in a sort of kept talking to everybody and I wanted everyone to feel comfortable and eventually I said. Ask speed I'd had two vodkas accidentally accidentally said look we're. We don't have time for feminists. Though was that time of went very fast and sometimes you do sink of among agenda. So I do think I am not open to discussing the words I use to describe gala. But one of those hot and I won that round so. I'm a feminist, but I make jokes about my weight sometimes on TV and other women don't like it and they send me lots of DM's about this constantly. But I like to joke about my weight because I find it. Funny. For example, one of the jokes they didn't like was something I said about an elevator I got into an elevator in debonair and it said this lift is overcapacity and I was the only one in it. which made half of the audience laugh. But the other half were worried about my sanity when I did that and just to let you know I just think it's very funny when I don't fit and stuff and I know that's not very feminist of me. But it's funny. I'm a feminist Bart recently among told me that he had a best friend they just so intellectually paired you know they have such brilliant deep conversations and they also have this great are and. They nearly kissed one spot. He pulled back from it because he said, don't lose the friendship but then she said look I really have feelings for you and I really fancy you and you obviously fancy me and this could be perfect and he went I thought. No, I think I'd rather have the friendship. And I just felt for her so much that I said, what happened to men. There was a time when men would be like, yes please sex what has happened to that I mean obviously, that's not what I said to him. That's not right but I, hear the story so much now that Frisco, he's perfect for me I'm perfect for him. He's just like I can take a leave it and I was like, but surely you should try it because in the words of Adel, you could have had it all and With the REGGAE beat and I. Felt. Like if this was a woman, say my best friend is in love with me and I'm not love with him and so I I absolutely boundaries distance because it was a man I was just like I feel sad for her and I think this is going to end in some kinds of wrong combine to the airport. I do feel a bit bad about it but no spot is I should. I'm a feminist, but my boyfriend gets a little of DMZ from women who pretend to be my fans telling in a great I am. And instead of saying things to them, I followed them. and become their best friend. Because they felt anything I just believe. That any person who messages someone after midnight. Oh I mean even slightly before that. I mean. That's all ten pm. Ten there was. A former cups of it's ten. Oh. One is that I feel that's on the ballot. Top Ten you can do as well, but reaching eleven to twelve and onwards. then. And he never easel was just being friendly. An idiot. And I only know this because I too was in my twenties and I'm because of him. He should feel very flattered since I've been with him and in the relationship I've become a better feminist because terrible behavior me telling them what to do.
A Love Letter to Short Men
"DOT COM and at her website Carlin Betcha. Dot Com and here is a love letter to short men. Your height is not an issue unless you make it one. It's one of the most common openers I see on dating apps a man's height. It's usually the first thing men list and sometimes height is the only thing listed. Yep just height nothing else as if those two numbers measured in feet and inches contain multitudes. I understand why it happens. We are a society obsessed with looks we treat beauty and both genders as a currency attractive people make more money are viewed as more agreeable and somehow more valuable. This is part of the halo effect, a psychology term where we assign one single trait beauty to other characteristics kindness. Personally I have never seen a woman who cares about height in fact, I find short men hot, not all of them but many. Let. Me Tell you a not hot short man's story. I recently wanted to date with a five foot five inch guy within fifteen minutes of our meeting. He ass is my height a problem. It was not until he mentioned it. I had not even looked at the height he listed on his profile. I then spent the next twenty minutes assuaging his fragile ego and explaining why many women like short men it was exhausting at one point I think he read the weariness in my slumped shoulders and tried to self correct. I'm only asking because you're right about love and sex. Sure if you went on a date with a dermatologist, would you ask her to examine the fungus between your toes? I didn't say that, but I wanted to my sarcasm is a feral beast. Then, there are the many many short guys who lie about their height. You know who you are. I once went on a date with a guy claiming to be five foot eight inches. He was five foot four inches. That's a four inch lie. If we're keeping track I wore three inch heels for that date that put me at five feet eight inches. Greeted him with a hug. This was pre pandemic days his head landed on my chest. Awkward. For most women height is not a deal breaker but lying is So. Here it is short men the painful truth your height is not the Lady Boehner killer. You think it is it your lack of confidence that makes women's ovaries shrivel up and never want to go on another date again, I have dated a lot of sexy short men and they all had one thing in common nothing to prove when Tom Cruise five foot seven inches was sexiest man alive multiple times. Did anyone add a footnote sexy for a short Guy Hell? No. When Bruno Mars five, foot five inches shakes what his momma gave him are women getting out there measuring. Sticks Adriano. then. There's Napoleon. Napoleon. Never had complex about his height nor was he even really that short you can feel his confidence oozing out of the impatient love letters. He wrote to Josephine one read a kiss on your heart and one much lower down much lower. Nowhere in that letter, will you find a postscript saying unless my height makes you not in the mood? Yet Napoleon somehow got his name attached to the height inferiority complex known as the Napoleon. Complex. The Napoleon Complex states that short men tend to be more aggressive lie more and try to compensate for their short stature by being exceptionally cruel. But researchers found the opposite to be true. One study from Nyu phone short men are thirty two percent less likely to divorce than tolman. The study also found women married to short men reported greater happiness and short men did more housework than tolman. Yes. There is a correlation between happiness and a freshly floor. Clearly short men are doing something, right? I pulled over twenty of my most dateable girlfriends for this article I asked the same question. Are you attracted to short men most had similar answer? It depends on the guy that's a nice way of saying that is not the package. It's the meat inside. So
DJ Dribs Is Spinning At Your Wedding
"Randy Elvis Duran phone tap is scary. Tell me all about this phone tap you're doing here. So Derek wants to play a phone tap on his fiancee. Julie Julie's been a control freak about every last detail of her wedding except for booking the DJ she left that to Derek but she wanted to speak to the DJ and go over all the introductions for the reception and all that. So Derek's GONNA pretend to be at the DJ, Company Office and introduced me as their wedding gauge. Alright. So scary is the wedding DJ. Let's see what happens in today's sometime Yo. Hey. What's up nothing? I'm actually at the DJ Place Oh. Yeah. Yeah. So I just want to know that I put the final payment down. Or? He's great. You WanNa. Talk to you could tell them. You know. Yeah. So his name is DJ drip. What he goes by. The DJ turn this. Kinda gross talk to him. Okay. That doesn't sound classic. Yeah Yeah. Yeah, you very for the big day. Yeah. It's GonNa. Be Good Time. Yeah. Another name because go rhino that. No No. I'm known the clubs. This way known legendary name. Can you use your real name name is Dick Dick dribbler but I go by DJ DRIBS. Have, to say a name you'd never it's not about about us me I thought that this was going to be one of those upbeat parties you know bumping Bass in in some house we don't want any house music at our wedding she what? No, it's the wedding house music all night long wedding not a club. We're not at a club Derek. What's with her excuse me let me talk to my fiancee. Julie Who is this guy? Listen, listen listen just let him let him run a few inches value. He wrote them anymore that name is that where you? Name he's famous. We're GONNA have a famous. googled him and nothing came up some Schlub does clubs he does strip joints I mean he's one. He's his own way no way. No, they'll give you. Going to do my wedding. chesting he does that but just give him a chance. Okay. We turn the party out every time. On Youtube and everything, I was going to run through some of the Intros I can't wait to hear these. See here I wrote one for the brother bride pleasing gentleman here he comes he's calling the bride's brother from another mother escorted by the voluptuous Valerie stop. I know that's why I wrote that. Derek. was telling me is not funny at all. Very insecure about her, you say that's part of what people know Dj. DRIBS BY I. Know by our introductions and how we bring people into the room crowd motivators. Like now the. Instigators how about this one? I got for your mother of the bride your mom. Now entering the room she's single and ready to mingle. It's doors e. I've got more for you. Martin. He's the best man entitled only because we all know Julie dumped it five years ago his Gordon Julie's best friend. The reason they broke up in the first place, put Your Hands Together for Roger Stephanie That's Down that's my signature. You hear this, you can hear this for the rest of Burma. Right now you hear. Julie. Okay I gave you one thing to do and you. Get. He's going to be really doing things. Coming up the trash. Walking. Are you. Stupid. Check in run. She. Wants me to get my money back. Already paid for plastic sunglasses I'm going to give out hot hot. Squad. I bought a bunch of umbrellas for it's raining men. You're. experienced. Okay. She's kind of freaking. I want right now. He's laughing because. This is Jerry Jones and we lost the in the morning show what? God we nailed you so bad. Oh my God. You are.
"Steve please introduce that girl from the Talk Lueders gentlemen Cuban no play around with it. He she sees owned a show surely Ed the undo. You know what not answered that I answered it. It. Even out you know I'm GonNa tell you culturally in the worst times. You know we try to have some levity. That's all caught. My right brothers and sisters absolutely man Yes that's right. That's right. That's right. Because wing let the devil know ink and nobody now why are we seeing? The everybody in Texas and Louisiana because of a hurricane. People get on the bus. Shelter they need you know saying. Everybody you know saying and and what's going on Wisconsin put. You GotTa right as an American to peaceful protests. But okay this is why people say well, why Y'all man you? Okay. Let's say a bad where I'm sorry calling for rail if y'all catch anything. But the little white boy shop two people seventeen walk past the. Damn. Police. Ain't nobody shocked at him. Another black man going back to his car where his children off right gives shot in the back and now. See. That's why we mad because the little boy white he make it ought way back up fifteen miles back over the state line. So don't that make it a federal crime atomic. That that. Make it federal joy you know. And you were talking about this it was never mind when we've talking about how. Bet is a federal crime when you go across state lines. So now you interstate terrorists right still alive still alive. Okay and this is why we make the debate between black people get treated by law enforcement. Then how why people get treated by LAVA WHY PEOPLE GET taken to Burger King App you shot church with some black people and get sorry I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that I didn't mean to say that. Good Very. Well, I'm trying not to cuss 'cause. I. Can I can let loose a string cuss words right now you know what I'm saying I'm very happy about the NBA as Milwaukee. Bucks grew was the w NBA Major League baseball everybody decided enough is enough. We don't pro- too as this. But now we gotta do we gotta get ready to vote people out this grow and not see I big goodness Negro Daniel Cameron Kentucky. John. Attorney General got time to go speak at this. I'm doing good. I'm doing good. I'm doing the combat. Hang got time to bring the justice the people murdered Brianna Taylor but I'm shot one person that John need to know California state senator. Steve Braff is putting forward a bill in California to decertify unfit police is caused Senate bill seven, thirty, one, this bill ensure victims of police crimes get a fair day in court because we must have a mechanism to hold police accountable.
Why My Mother Has Two Phones
"A micro audio book about life in befuddle men just for you. Our story this week is from BB, Nicholson who you'll find on medium DOT COM and here is. Why my mother has two phones and why it's driving me crazy. My mother lives with me. She is one hundred and one, and she is as attached to her telephone as a phone addicted teenager. Where's my phone? She asked every thirty minutes when she first moved in which led to a massive search that involve digging through the crevices of her recliner shaking out the blanket that covers your lap groping under her chair rippling through the overflowing contents of her Walker and delving into the pockets of pants, which is usually where we found it. It isn't a smartphone and she doesn't use the camera figure. She doesn't use any features for that matter. She has a flip phone. All she needs to do is flip it open to answer which is sufficient for the ten to fifteen calls. She gets every day he yes you heard me right she gets ten or fifteen calls a day. Sometimes she talks for several minutes laughing answering questions and ending the conversation with I. Love You too when she hangs up and I asked her who it was. She says I have no idea. She got a call the other day from a stranger who said, do you WANNA prayer today? She hung up on them My brother and sister called several times a day just to check up on her and their favorite topic of conversation is food. What did you have for lunch? That's sounds good. What's for dinner? I don't know what bb is cooking, but I guess I'll have to eat it whatever it is. Mama's phone is her lifeline to the outside world even when she doesn't know who's calling or even if they only talk about food. But two phones are one phone too many. By now you're probably wondering why she has to phones and this is where I need to confess. She used to have one phone and I accidentally washed it. I sent it through the washing machine when I put in an armload of clothes and the phone came out laundered and dead my brother and sister told me to immerse the phone in rice which I did but it didn't work phones don't often survive a trip through the washing machine. My mother is on my brother's family phone plan and when I told him, I washed it, he said he would get her another one in the meantime. She couldn't go phone homeless try taking the phone away from your teenager and you will know what I'm talking about. So I got her a track phone from Walmart called the relatives and friends who are responsible for her ten or fifteen calls a day and gave them the new number. Mama was happy again, five weeks later, my brothers new phone arrived I called family and friends again and told them to switch back to the old number. This sounds like a simple thing to do. But it isn't her relatives and friends are a decade or two younger than she is, which means they are in their eighties and nineties some of them don't here. Well, some of them don't process well and none of them understand why a woman who is one hundred and one has to phone numbers into months. But we finally got it straightened out. Everything was fine for a few weeks until something terrible happened. I washed her phone again. I had been checking her pockets carefully before every wash until I didn't. So after ruining her new phone I reactivated her track phone only this time around I ordered a phone pouch on a lanyard she tied the pouch to her Walker and her phone dangles in front of her all day. There is no chance I will wash a phone in a pouch on a lanyard tied to a walker. I had to call those same friends and relatives and tell them her number had changed again, which confused them but I finally got the message across and they began using her track phone number. Then my brother sent her another phone because she's on his family plan. Now. You've got to call everybody and tell them her number is changed again smirked my sister who was visiting when the new phone arrived. It's not going to happen. I can't deal with it I said, and that's why my mother has two phones. They both fit in phone pouch and she gets to decide which one to answer when somebody calls. It's a bit of a challenge. She already thinks she's getting a phone call whenever the phone rings on television. That was the phone on TV Mama. You didn't get a call I tell her from five to fifty times before she catches on and puts her phones back in the pouch. Sometimes, she answers the wrong phone, and by the time she gets to the other phone stopped ringing. Then I have to call back whoever it was because she can't see well enough to dial. But it's worth it if it keeps Mama happy I
Lost The Cat Again
"Elvis Duran. Phone tap. Phone tap about cats take it away Danielle I'm on the phone with Diana and she wants the phone tap her brother. She's GonNa do the phone herself Har- brother bought a cat four her dad right. Tell us a little bit about the cat. He bought a Siamese cat for my dad for Christmas for surprise and my dad wasn't really into getting the. Cat and it was a very expensive cat and we've let the cat out a couple of times and my brother seems to go crazy when that happens. All right. So you're going to call your brother now say that the cat got out again. Yeah. All right. You think is GonNa get upset Oh I know he's going to get mark. Let's call your. Neck. Oh my God we have a really problem. Otis got out. Come on. I I. Don't know we got out because the doors open and he's not he's not in the kitchen. How did what? What's wrong with you paper? Find Him now, I can't find him which door to go out back to take the time to deal with this, you gotta close dares my God do find him now he's in the alleyway run I'm wearing heels I can't run. You. Tack Oh okay. Okay. Why I'm running downstairs. But what? What? What brain problem you took that long to make that decision come on. Okay. Now I'm in front of my car and he's underneath my car but I have to go back to work. You can't leave him outside you learn you have to get them back. He'll come back. No come back. He's a be. He's not gonNA come back. You Got I don't know rich wrong with you people that you've forgotten how to have animals I mean I I, you know I I don't know. Okay. I'm GonNa Buy Brick losers that swimmers shut. Okay. I'm trying to get him back but he's out working with me I course he's not gonNa work and he was a baby wants to get out you can't leave should back my car up. I did. This is mind boggling that you guys can't figure out how to keep a cat in the house. I'm sorry but he's just crazy. He's crazy. He's a kitten. He's still underneath my car. God I think he'll come back now I. Know. that. I'm really GonNa test you people you let him third time's I. Don't understand. Cats of never gotten out I. It's affordable. Horrible. Kidney want around him. Queen. You guys. Closed. Doors. He's a baby who's probably GONNA you're bipolar or disappear if you don't get him back. He's GonNa get sick in this weather. It's not really raining. It's amazing. She's A. I realized that but I'm just having a hard time. The catch it'd be dead cat is not gonNA die he's like If it's somebody degrees outside it's wet. Okay. Okay. I almost got him commute. Otis all my God, Oh, my God he just ran where did he go? He's running. He's like booking down the street. That's my cat. That's my my you. Know, my cat I'm trying to chase him. Did you grab them? Where is he someone to pick them up man? That's my cat. She is she. Her physically stop her. She doing great. Harm. happening. Take your shoes off and run. Physically grabbed her. Grab her. Do. Who is this? Her brother. That's all cat. I. Just found him. How do
Tulsi Gabbard Named Democratic Nominee After Discovery Of Obscure Rule That Grants Nomination To Whoever Wins 0.7% Of The Vote In Missouri
"Massive news from the Democratic National Convention today. US. Representative. Tulsi Gabbard has been named the party's presidential nominee. After DNC vice chairman, Peter may burst into a press conference brandishing dusty copy of the democratic. Party's original eighteen twenty eight charter to announce shocking discovery an obscure rule granting the nomination to whomever wins zero point seven percent of the primary vote in the state of Missouri Opr. CHEAP, political correspondent. Dirk mullins was on the scene and joins us now dirk this was quite a one eighty, right leslie truly one of the most unexpected political turnarounds in US history Tolsey Gabbard, the representative from Hawaii who dropped out of the presidential race and nearly six months ago has now gained the nomination mere moments before Joe Biden was due to become the party's official nominee take a listen. Please folks folks. Let me finish. And I quote from the document itself. Sorry. It's a little dusty. It is here to unanimously decreed. That the candidate, whomsoever procures betwixt the margin of six tenths and eight tenths of the vote in The Majesty state of Missouri Beneath the Pale blood moon. In fallow season shall be made our party's nominee for chief executive. It is a dramatic shakeup that caught even the DNC off guard after they discovered the parchment based rule book locked away in a hidden chamber sealed deep below their archives well. It would've been nice to know this back in March. Obviously. We're GONNA need to destroy a lot of Biden twenty twenty merchandise and we had a lot of folks voting during a pandemic for primary that was essentially meaningless. But ultimately, my hands are tied she one zero point seven percent of the Missouri. Vote. What else are we supposed to do while truly unprecedented but what does this mean? For? Democrats in two, thousand, twenty well, it's not good representative or I should say nominee Gabbard has virtually no name recognition and she's pulling in the low single decimal points no one has been able. To get in touch with her either due to her lack of any staff or campaign infrastructure. Frankly, we're not even sure what platform consists of something like ending foreign military bases. I don't really remember now Tulsi Gabbard cheese the senator from Massachusetts. Correct. Now I believe you're thinking of Elizabeth Warren Mistake, it's the one with the crystal the self-help one Marianne Williamson Oh interesting. well, I've got to admit I have no idea who you're talking about then but with that said, she did win the exact sliver of the vote in Missouri that counts in terms of receiving the presidential nomination. That's all that matters right now, what does the Biden campaign saying? This must be a disappointment for them. It certainly is they're searching for a workaround by arguing this decision is superseded by an even. Older precolonial taxed that magnificant democracy him from sixteen, Eighty two. That's the old pamphlet about how to keep Goblins from emerging out of hell and overrunning a functioning democracy. Right? That's right now, those passages suggest only papist like Joe Biden for example, has the power to resist the quote devils. Karnal source laments so far though the Democratic Party has stuck to its guns on this point seven percent of Missouri principle though. Tolsey two, thousand, twenty or bust incredible. It looks that way. We haven't seen this big of a shakeup since John Quincy Adams to the White House due to a loophole in the Electoral College granting the presidency to any candidate born with six toes on his left foot. Really stunning news. Thanks for the report dirk that's Dirk
Baa-a-a-a-a! Pesky goats block Trump motorcade en route to New Jersey golf resort
"Talk about the worst news of the Week I. A small herd of goats is responsible for blocking the presidential motorcade last weekend and Don go. Go Young Donald I was trying to travel to his golfers or in New Jersey obviously because we're in the middle of a pandemics where else would the president be but a golf resort? And our our good friends the goats would had the good sense to get in the way disruption protest goats. Did. We have any doubt that are abolitionist goats that we feature regularly on this podcast would be on the right side of history. I did it. I knew. Yeah. Fred started as the Harriet Tubman of goats, and now he's becoming the Malcolm X. of votes. He's saying protests violent protests necessary. I'm just GONNA foment. Insurrection via goat. We love a political goat lava political goat I mean maybe especially because these goats technically work for Donald according to a White House pool report, there was a brief poss- during drive onto the property to make way for a herd of goats that live on trump's property. He gets a tax break a property tax break known as farmland tax break worth nearly eighty thousand dollars a year on his golf resort because it's supposedly doubles as a goat ranch. According to the Wall Street? Journal. Yeah. So I, guess there's like a a loophole for landowners. Who if you say that you're like property is technically like an agricultural project then you get fucking tax break. So you know what this makes me WANNA do. Primal, SCREAM That's fucking primal. Scream I mean within I haven't like truly truly gone off on this pod. It makes me so mad when people call Batman a businessman, he played a businessman on TV he. Hey businessman that's. It's insane. It's like Meryl Streep was not editor in chief of Vogue magazine. Okay. She should be but she's not. But yeah. Apparently, the trump national golf club in bedminster maintains one hundred thirteen acres of hay farming and eight goats, eight goats, and you get eighty thousand dollars a year. It's ridiculous. It's not enough. Goat's remember when that person last time by bought like five goats and it was not one hundred dollars was not that much. So apparently that's all we need. We can go in together on five coats and get. Nearly. One hundred thousand dollar tax break. Let's do it I'm
Justice with Alison Spittle and special guest Alexandra Wilson
"I'm. A feminist. My friend told me the other day. She'd had to Boob jobs one when she was younger and didn't have much money and the second when she could afford the rest. And I said, did you have the left one year eighteen in the right one twenty five like he was saving up and we laughed for about twenty five minutes at the idea of that just like I can just afford one. One a d this one will be an a until I've saved. I'm a feminist, but when Deborah me a picture of her in a swanky dressed, the other day. I said Oh deb's you look just like a trophy wife. Was Me complimenting her. I'm a feminist I set. Cute. Happens two nights ago when Alison I got together to plan the show. I was showing her a picture of some bit of Talia. Done what they've done my hair makeup of course was showing her to criticize myself and go I'm not sure about this and she went no, you look beautiful. You look like a trophy wife. Really deep. You look like property. I'm feminist but. When these hot days happen I still get shy about eaten ice lollies in public. Because I like to eat very quickly. And make eye contact with people. And then in my shyness tried to eat it quicker. Which Dan just looks more sexual. Yeah On the ice cream doesn't matter is inherently Phallic May yes. Yeah. Thought of that before every. Even like even the non. Cornell's you go to town on that. I haven't really. A little. Over a cornet. Look you can do. Yes I like. Lady like fashion I'm a feminist. I look at me like a lady I'm so sorry. Yeah. I'm not talking to hatch nervous. You go to town on Cordell and looks you know that's a good point. It is especially because it's like a flavorful center. That's the best you. I am so sorry Papa so Hetero normative me. Fine on it takes me ages occur now compared to. Well Corn S it was the most sensitive. You know it's not some kind of popsicle. Easy win just put it in May you give me a milky. Mu, it's gone in free goals if just. Unfortunate name for an ice cream I realized. In. Yeah, what? Also. That's hat name from an email. Housing a very long time. Wow Wow. I'm a feminist bont somebody was asking me who's just been on a first date was asking me what kind of second date can I do because the second date is normally state you tell each other about each other second you go to the movies. So then you've got something to talk about you talk about the movie what did you think of the movie? So you've got some stimulus for the second date. and. They said, well, know movies are open at the moment you know nothing's open. It's really tricky to know what to do on a second date and I said I get so many men buying tickets for the guilty feminist as a second date to impress women is true. Because they think Oh my God this is going to impress them because I'm a feminist and I'm bringing you to a feminist show and it's funny and it gives us something to talk about afterwards and I can talk about what a feminist I am I. genuinely believe they think that will up the activity from the third date to the second date. and. In the end I might have said, I've got more men laid in London than any woman I know. Possible. Any anybody here second or third date just cheer. I you're lying. Nobody a date that's never happened before. Is it because it's an afternoon thing. Date? Come here, there's a pandemic no one St. True a lot of commitments. True. That's true because you can't really hookup very much off to dates anymore I know someone who broke her social bubble for a man that wouldn't cutler after sex. and. Then she had to message in the next day. Say Please message me if you've got corona. Because she wanted him to just because she broke her social bubble. And then she did she wouldn't know if he was showing symptoms. Yeah. Yeah. Showing symptoms of being twelve.
Congressional Democrats Threaten To All Wear Same Color If Trump Loses Election And Refuses To Leave Office
"President. Trump is once again threatening to delay the election today trump is publicly questioned voting methods especially, mail-in ballots, which could see record use during the coronavirus pandemic and his posturing has caused concern that if he loses the election, he may go so far as to dismiss the results altogether and refused to step down for more we're joined by OPIE are super senior. Political correspondent Dirk pollens I leslie great to be here. All right settle down. So Derek, it sounds like the twenty twenty presidential election could be in for some problems. That's right. Leslie. But the left says they have a plan earlier today congressional Democrats threatened that if trump loses the election refuses to leave office, they'll have no choice but to all wear the same color. Certainly, a big step for the Democrats, well so far it's only a threat but California representative, Simon, Mills explained to me this morning. It's one that his party is prepared to follow through on President. Trump is a grave threat to our democracy. If he thinks he can lose the election in November and then stay in office anyway the Democrats will be his worst nightmare will. Wear clothing of similar hugh from head to toe for as long as it takes till he steps down quite a forceful aesthetic showing and had the Democrats agreed on the color they're going to wear actually leslie that's still matter of fierce debate while many Democrats favor black to symbolize the death of democracy others want to wear white for peace or blue because the moderate blue. Dog Democrats. Think it looks Nice on everyone for his part representative mills is part of caucus arguing for yellow we want everyone to wear yellow because it's a color of optimism and also DNC Chairman Tom Perez, thinks it will send a strong message to Republicans by photographing well, when trump sees all sitting in Congress wearing are yellow close he'll have no choice but to honor. The peaceful transfer of power. Some political experts predict your party could win control of the Senate, as well as maintaining control of the House that affect your strategy at all. It certainly will dirk if we have the Senate and the House that will give us even more power to all wear the same pin we'll have a pin wearing majority in both houses well, but of Course Washington can be a place of a lot of talk and no action or the Democrats really prepared to go as far as pin wearing it sounds like it leslie here Simon Again the Democrats. Have a message for president trump dark. Can you give this message to President Trump? What can't you Mr President if you try to stay in the white? House after losing the. Election, we will hold you accountable with powerful hashtags and strongly worded up tweets making you're refusing to leave a major wedge issue in the twenty twenty, two midterms we'll keep it up your entire second term if we have to. Wow, that will surely make very confrontational press conference. Oh God do you think we'll have to do press conferences? I don't know don't you think that? Might be viewed too combative. Well, it's either that or trying to win over the army. Oh Gino, we could also do we could not do anything all we won't do or say anything we'll call it democracy blackout that sounds pretty powerful imagine how fast trump will step down once he sees we're not doing anything at all. That's a fantastic idea. Can we end the? Interview I have to tell Nancy Mills added that the Democrats also vowed to impeach trump again with the exact same case in evidence they used last time just to see if it
As If Things Werent Bad Enough, Snakes Still Slithering Around Out There
"Kobe nineteen police brutality the twenty twenty presidential election. We're living through turbulent times here in the US characterized by chaos violence and widespread uncertainty, and now as if things weren't bad enough experts, today have confirmed that snakes are still slithering around out there will be ours Marcy Hammond joins us now with more Marcie please tell us there's been some kind of mistake. Well, I hate to say it Leslie but this is true on top of everything we're dealing with right now snakes are in. Fact Alive and kicking Dr Stanley Mendez a biologist from Stanford University shared the terrible news at a press conference earlier today take a listen team of our top researchers has discovered that snakes still exist these legless creeps continue to sling through gardens, lurk under rocks and drag their lousy bodies across American soil. At first we thought perhaps they were just a part of a garden hose or a really big worm but unfortunately, they are definitely still snakes. No Man are they shirt because a buddy? Of Mine killed one a few years ago. That was living under a shed that didn't take care of the problem for good I'm afraid not. It looks like snakes are pretty much here to stay. It's like this nation just can't catch a break. You're telling me now snakes certainly aren't the most pressing issue right now what with unemployment skyrocketing ice on violence the OPIOID epidemic change products that promise to restore your hairline, but just make your scalp single but remembering that snakes out there. To watching waiting, it just doesn't help at all exactly a- pandemic is one thing but a pandemic and snakes. It's all just too much and with virtually no legislation moving forward in the House or Senate. Many Americans are feeling justice helpless on the issue here single mother Amanda. Schumacher who represents one of millions struggling to cope every day I, wake up and wonder how I'm going to feed my children how I'm going to afford it if I get sick and are there any snakes outside? Even, worse, what if there are snakes inside? Then what am I going to have to quit my job and fight off AACSB fulltime? That's heartbreaking Marseille Ernie precautions we can take to avoid snakes like say standing on a chair in the center of the kitchen authorities are currently advising that anyone who sees a snake should be fully prepared to point and yell snake. That's all isn't there. Anything else we can do not really I mean if you want, you can take a picture with your phone to show everyone how gross it is a just when you thought twenty twenty couldn't get any worse I guess our only hope at this point is that they all accidentally get stepped on and that's right. Leslie will just have to wait and saying,
Sports Talk with Junior
"All right. Here we go. Junior is here with what sports docked yeah. Oh. Oh, got it. Today Listen Mike Tyson and Roy Jones Junior. The fight has been pushed back to November. Twenty eight was September twelfth. They're gonNA. Move it back to November twenty eight. Now, we never did get honest we got who we're. GonNa pay for this. You know you won't initial. Yeah, they had the movie back because somebody didn't look shape. And it wasn't Mike Tyson. Since Yeah, we love Roy Jones junior to love and show yeah yeah. See, Roy on stand. Tyson. Trained in two. Give Him Oh time. Him So motown. Forgot. Eighth. That's my holiday. Yes. How old is Roy Anybody? Four. Oh, it's no want. Majors Mike. Yeah Mike. Fifty four, a Mike and Fifty, four, fifty, one. Got? All. Mad. All. The reason why we got all our money, all Michael Airbus seeing know what this is about. Well, see both of them. All right. It's not going to be what you think it is and going to be this great fight. 'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA see a Lotta of punches. A Lot. Of course, the timing is gone in a quick quick twitch muscles don't file like they used to. But the problem that Roy has is if Tyson do hit him. His ass is going to. Asleep. He Hits Him. He's going to. That's a special place. That's way you sleep a union. No you going. Love a man I'm going to bed. Then I'M GONNA. Go Sleep. Now you fit in a subsidy. Very closely, right for you go to sleep that what you said. Our sleep well. But, also, you know the new president trump called NBA players very dumb, very nasty for kneeling during the. National. Anthem. Wild. Two words and that is there any other word man? VOCAB? Luke. This is a guy who says he went to the high school in. The. Nation. Yeah and but his niece has said no, no, they got him in this. He's not. He's. Look their neely period. You're not changing the narrative this time. Because those black guys to play in the NBA? No, they wouldn't tall and he had a uniform then targets on. Right Bank. That's exactly why they not playing. Junior coming up at the top of the hour. Tell me something good. Some good news for.
Trump, Biden Campaigns Unveil Bold New Mouth Sounds
"There's just four months left until the twenty twenty election and both Democrats and Republicans are ramping up messaging to make their case to the American public. Before November third while many have already chosen their preferred candidate in this especially polarized political landscape, there are still millions of undecided voters waiting for more information on each side's coughs, hard swallows, Lips Max, and throat clears here to discuss the mouth sounds at the forefront of each campaign is OPR. OPR political correspondent Dirk. Mullins, good morning. Dirk I leslie it sounds like both campaigns are beginning to ramp up ahead of this month conventions. That's right this week. The Joe Biden campaign released. The first of dozens of new mouth sounds they say constitute the backbone of the former vice presidents platform based on what we know from his recent interviews Democrats as a whole are eager for fresh new teeth, clatters and Boulder Saliva swishing take a listen. These are certainly new sounds from Biden. But I'm still hearing the broad Fleming us that makes them appealing to centrist Democrats as well as moderate Republicans. What about trump? Well, we're all familiar with President, trump's lowered wet displays of Brash burps, slobber and stuff to Sinus, rasps that have made him. So popular with his base and it looks like not much has changed for twenty twenty. So while the president is firing back against Biden, he's using the same inflammatory gurgles spit ups. We've come to expect here's trump speaking at a White House luncheon just two days ago. Certainly as wet, but the real question is, will it work for that? We'll have to wait until November right now. Biden, is leading trump in some key states and trump may need to soften his position on swirling coughed up snot around in his mouth if he wants to maintain his already tenuous hold on white suburban women, many of whom say Biden's overly moist inhales better aligned with their values, right. But our democratic leaders concerned that Biden's middle of the road mouth sounds could act as a double edged sword appealing to the middle while pushing away progressives who don't want more of the same that. That is a concern while Biden has a long history of neutral centrist mouth sounds his team hopes these new swishes and swallows will entice voters farther on the left who demand dryer sticky. Your mouth sounds and do progressively agree it appears so Bernie. Sanders, drew in huge numbers of young progressives who preferred his brand of spittle flecked tongue slaps and cracked lip wheezing. But with Bernie out of the race, now Biden's team is seeking to make space for these voters by taking on some of Bernie's mouth sounds just this week. The Biden campaign added this Fleming snort from burn himself to their website. You can really hear his lips parting, the sea ever drink water. It's unclear though he's publicly announced. He would be willing to drink water and Abidin Administration. Well, all I can say is I'm so sick of all these nasty sounds playing on my TV, I can't wait till this election is over share. But then before you know it, it's already time for the first mouth sounds twenty, twenty, four. Oh, boy, you're telling me. Thanks Turk. Dirk.
NASA Announces Plans To Launch Chimpanzee Into Sun
"NASA is once again looking to further our knowledge of the universe and the effects. It has on life here on earth, which is exactly why the Space Agency is announced. It is now planning to launch a chimpanzee into the sun within the next ten years. The science world is calling the efforts a crucial step forward in solar exploration and better understanding how species react to being deposited into the sons twenty seven million. Degree plasma core for more on this monumental mission were joined by Opie our science reporter Rebecca Neal. Hi. Leslie Rebecca. How does NASA plan on pulling this off? Well, I, spoke with Nastas lead on the mission Tom Danes and he told me that chimpanzee will be put in a capsule that will contain several sophisticated instruments that would monitor how the animal reacts as it plunges into a burning ball of gas eight, hundred sixty. Five thousand miles in diameter. Here's Danes with some more details. The heat sensors to the chimpanzees body will provide us with real time data about what he's experiencing is he's in by the Sun's gravity as a close biological relative to our species. We believe his skin will react similarly to the sons extreme heat and aggressive UV radiation, and hypothetically his body will disintegrate at a similar rate to human beans right and if. The mission is successful. Hopefully, what we learned from this mission will pave the way for sending human astronauts into the sun on a regular basis. So is the idea here that there could maybe one day be a permanent colony on the sun for humans to get launch to in evaporate and a hellish fire on a regular basis well, Dan said that is a long term goal, but I they need to monitor how the. Chimpanzee handles the sons, ten thousand degrees, surface right patients whose key. Now, this is a bold mission but not the first of its kind correct. That's right a mission like this has happened before but on a smaller scale, for example, on NASA's first attempt to land on the moon with Apollo Eleven, the agency strapped and unprotected duck to the side of the space shuttle the duck perished immediately upon takeoff which helped NASA. Stand the benefits of being inside the capsule as opposed to outside of it. When shooting towards space, they've also experimented with abandoning several elephants on Mars and sending a capsule full of turtles deep into the void of space to be consumed by a black hole. These have all been instrumental to the revolutionary undertaking NASA announced today definitely what are the chances of something going wrong? Well, space travel is inherently dangerous as many Americans. Still, remember several horses never even made it into orbit aboard the space shuttle Challenger but Danes told me that they plan on testing their launch model thousands of times to ensure that the chimpanzee reaches the Sun's core safely before anything goes wrong on its way there there's no have any idea who will be manning this mission to the SUN NASA is keeping its potential chimpanzee roster under wraps right now but sources tell. Me The leading candidate is a seven-year-old chimpanzee named Bobo currently taking up residence at Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago. NASA
Kanye West Marriage
"Do that learn more at expanding dot com slash? X. Y. Right. So according to tmz Kim Kardashian West and Kanye West or working on their marriage, they're in a very remote private location they jumped on a private jet with their children flew to a tropical island. They are staying in an estate that is basically a fortress. There's no way trespasses or the Paparazzi can get close to them. Sources close to tmz have reported that this will not be a short trip and. Is. A last ditch effort to save their marriage. I'm glad they're working on their marriage as you know, Cognac time twitter recently with the just a barrage of just crazy disrespectful tweets about his marriage about his mother-in-law. You know not cool. We really hope that this works out for them because you know I think you mentioned it yesterday Steve We hate to see people break up I mean seriously we really do. They have four children what Tommy. Fortress. Papa Razzi looking for you. I mean what was paying for these papa rat where are they getting all these flight tickets? Will you this stand outside and take a pill? Is the money that they get for the picture pitchers. Yeah they'll go. Own Money to try to get that million motion. Is a freelance. Yeah, you see these guys with tmz cameras, their freelance, they get the TMZ label they put it on their candidate freelance. Some cool dudes though some miss cool people I have a usually have a good relationship with someone. Really cool people. Too. Turn. Speaking of According to Forbes. Dot Com get their picture. You buy chicken wing. I. Let me tell you guys about this. has chosen a running mate. Okay. He has chosen Michelle tidball for VP of of the United States on his birthday party. So he'll run for president and she'll be vice-president Michele tidball I'm sure none of heard of her, but she's a self proclaimed biblical life coach Michelle Sophie claim what Biblical Life Coach Okay She's a fifty seven year
"Well guys guess what today is. It is our forever, President Barack Obama's fifty, nine, th birthday. Yeah. Why? Still. Cool. Yeah I mean, he's. So, much they run for damn thing. Would he? He looked so good. Well, you know what happens when we have a birthday around here? Well, junior desert poem, of course, everybody. What. Everybody don't get upon. You gotta be important for me to right. Here with the Special Paul We. Believe with the name of this poem is called let's. Get with the junior. Juniors Obama's birthday poem. That's all I. Can I ask? Whether some names you threw away before you settled on that with. Bottom for I got. I was like Obama Julia's birthday poem, I've switched around. As Morocco, Obama. was talking to Barack Obama about his birthday. Here, it is juniors, Obama's birthday point A. While sitting mouth jealous. I wrote a poem about Barack Obama. Never Causes Drama. He was raised by his. Mum. Now there's more. And I'M GONNA. Tell you what I like about Barack Obama. He's Cool He's neat and With class. Eight years by so fast. They probably. I, wouldn't. We from the first day. So, we wish him happy birthday. To, the girl Michelle. And we're hope you're doing well.
Final Thursday of July
"They gentlemen have your attention. Please welcome to the Steve Harvey Morning Show. To. Try. Nine me. Throw. Try, Jesus. He's don't try me. Because I. I don't know how long will open the show with this song button that I didn't have any right just because I didn't think about it, but if felt so good to me. You. Didn't have the Melody Right. In a little bit. So you can had a Melania let me play reindeer. report. Thong came out. It was. Tragic. The Frankie Beverly found. Thank you. That was it that was. That's my jam smut theme song from town in a surely said, it has been my theme song. It just wasn't written. That's right. We've been like that, and that's what I saw has met so much to me. In. His name. Let the church. Say Mad. Man Hey man again. Surely Strawberry Good, morning Steve Tried Jesus ME. 'CAUSE I. so his. Collar. For Rail. I. Know You notice this song whatever. His could tires Philo. Gas Tastes with sugar boss, out? Windows. Can cause. Engine. Allegedly I need somebody told me column. That they thought that, was you that Gerland set at Rage Rover Five? Well. With a rookie. Blue. Rookie an amateur amateur. She knows nothing. Don't even know how to do it. Joan your. Morning. Try Jesus said. Never. Sat right with me know. A few Tom. Your. Bill right here. On nephew. Of the artist toby. He posted on his instagram page number two on the chart strategies. Already. So. The number one. Jesus. What's the artist name Carla? Toby. Renew Week. We don't buy no other one. Tried Jesus. The Hood version.
Sour Shoes Calls in From His Pool as Jackie the Jokeman
"Stern show Jackie the joke man in the pool with you're right now. I tell you talking about this corona Larry's I thought it has to do with their I a lot of cases. How in France it looks like a tornado in the only thing left to rob it is bree. President trump doesn't wear a mask. I. Got Diplomatic Community. Jackie you really on your game you're getting political. There was corona virus humor while. Talking about toilet paper being ought to get. You know I use all dues, papers this boiling and let me tell you something. The Times are rough. GotTa Tell You Jackie. I thought it was a dumb move on your part to leave the show, but I see or at the top of your game. With the quarry that was a good thing I left like Richardson did a good thing. We don't see him anymore we had. We had a Co.. A main part of the show without you, the show would not do well. So you're right to break up the Beatles. Should. I was Ringo. Quiz you saw at a blue and red with Georgia. Bully was Brian Lips tied. Stern show.
Rebellion with Sophia Cleary and special guest Karen Hawkins
"I'm a feminist. And I think part of that is being as resilient as your body would allow it anytime I'm kind of building strengthened. That oversees relative to each individual, but I want to be the kind of person had to be like. No I'm a feminist, and if suddenly revolution needed to take place. I would go the distance as much as my body would allow. But last night. It was my first night in Chicago. And it was so cold. That in my ten minute, walk back to the hotel from a yoga class. I stopped at a theater where a crowd of people were going into C-. Mean goals. And bought a ticket just to get inside in the war. The five minute mark I caved. It was so cold I couldn't feel my face. I was like what is this temperature? I swapped. It's not snowing here, but it was an ice wall in my face. And I couldn't upset like they call it the windy city that with gangsters I don't really. Know Wind! It's actually it's wins. Windows with an legend or something? It's wind in your. It's like an ice sheet and your face. I went to see a full length musical. Out of the cold for two hours. Talk. A little concerned because I went, and it was mean girls and I was nine. The thing is when y'all touring alone so either I'm talking to five hundred people on pretty. Those are my two states. So I went into mean goals alone I suddenly had the program, and I was like Oh my God. This is a literal you concert with us. But I sat down to a calendar mom. And then when the musical star the cut came up, he moved up a seat. He literally moved away from me. And he's. Pink Tall I was like this upsetting. That would upset me I. got into the music it was it was fine. It was it was a very good musical. It was very fetch. Aren't even go him. So. I recommend it okay. I'm a feminist, but I routinely canceled plans with my queer chosen family so that I can catch up on the bachelor. So sorry, but I need to know Peter Season anyone watching any. Yeah, okay, Wow! It is truly truly shocking. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. The bachelorette who rejected the now bachelor came back. She's like. She's like trying to get him right now and. She is not gonNA. Get in, but. I don't know we'll see. We'll see I'm a feminist, but I met a man Chicago today. Who told me he worked in risk analysis and I said. I already. Know I can't understand what you do and you haven't even explained it yet.